Simply Daver

life pt. 2

2010-04-23T21:45:00.000-07:00

I need to preface this post before continuing with the previous one. A lot has happened in the weeks since Feb 12, and so I thought that I would break it up a bit, not only to make it easier to read, but I also wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss a thing in the process of writing what would end up being a monstrous post. Updates to this story will follow over the next few days. As I write this, I am sitting on the ferry.

After my mom revealed that the issue was Dad’s heart, I got quite a bit more concerned. They had even stopped the ambulance on the way to Nanaimo and swapped Dad into an advanced life support ambulance, they were so concerned. I called Liz with an update, and then tried to raise Matthew again. Still nothing from him on his phone, text messages, or through Blackberry Messenger. Mom needed a lot of assistance – Dad’s incident occurred in the middle of dinner, and as a result, they had been drinking. That’s why Mom had arrived in a taxi cab. Once she made the announcement about Dad’s heart, she told me to go home and work on my schoolwork. “Your father would understand.” Well, for heaven’s sake, I was not going to abandon my mother at the hospital in the middle of the night with no car while my Dad was having a “cardiac incident” (I hate those words). I spent the next few hours waiting, working in a half-assed manner on the discussion questions I was supposed to be doing for a presentation two days later.

Around midnight, I made the command decision to remain. I emailed all of my professors for class the next day, saying that I wouldn’t be there. Cancelled work too. I don't think I have ever emailed that much on a Blackberry. Finally, I got through to Matthew. He was extremely concerned, which is odd for him. Of course, there was nothing he could do to help. I promised to keep everyone up to date.

I got in to see Dad once. He was barely awake. He was wrapped up so tight in the blankets that he could hardly move. He was very pale... I spoke to him for a minute...outlined that I was taking care of Mom, that we had arranged a local hotel for her for the night, and how it was no problem for me be there. He seemed very assured that I was around. After our minute of conversation, I could tell he was getting a bit weak, so I wished him a good night, repeated my promise to take care of Mom, and returned to the waiting room. There were several things that struck me in my brief visit to his bed, how pale he was chief among them. What scared me the most was Dad's assurances that he was ok: he couldn't see the monitors, the crash cart parked at the foot of his bed, and the external defibrilator, oddly labelled "Judy Sparky Sparks" parked up near his head. Clearly, there was cause for concern.

Around 2am, I made a run to Tim Horton's - I was starving. Brought my mother a tea, and just as we sat down in the waiting room, we finally got an update from the doctor. Dad's heart was stable, but they didn't know what had happened. They were keeping him for a couple of days. We had struck up a conversation with the only other occupant of the waiting room, who was by herself. I gave her my untouched coffee - she had expressed an interest in finding the Timmie's nearby, and as soon as the doctor said Dad was out of immediate danger, my adrenaline crashed - I had to get Mom to the hotel. It was an odd mixture of relief and exhaustion.

We rolled up to the Ramada here at 3am. I took the time to get Mom settled in, and then headed for home. I emailed Liz and Chris, and sent a text to Matthew. And then I crashed right asleep.

more to follow

life

2010-04-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks have been quite full, for lack of a better word. I had planned to post more during the Olympics, but was unable due to the time constraints - the majority of the time I was working until midnight or later, and couldn't muster the energy on return. In short, the Olympics were amazing. While the job was unglamorous, being in that city for the duration was amazing. The energy, the camaraderie, the craziness... it was all good. Being over there also gave me a chance to see Lindsay more than once, which was grand. It was also great staying with Liz and Chris for so long. We used to live together a few years ago, and it was good to hit that vibe again. I'd missed it.

Speaking of Liz, she has launched a blog for her writing. She is wrapping up her Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Writing at UBC in a matter of weeks, and has started an internet presence. It's never too late. So please, go and check out her writing - it is far more insightful and funny than mine. Click here to be taken there.

So life. That is what has taken me back away from updating my blog. So as I sit here, listening to The New Pornographers with the sun setting outside my office window, I will endeavour to catch you up.

On March 10, my parents travelled to Parksville to celebrate their month-a-versary. They were married on November 10, 1976, and mark the tenth day of each month some way, even if it is just with a coffee or a walk. However, March 10 was their 400th month-a-versary, so they decided an overnight trip to Parksville was in order. They had called me earlier that afternoon to chat, and, being in the midst of papers, I had to hedge my bets and say maybe. We set a date to call at 9.30pm - I could have a chat with them before bed.

9:35pm rolls around, and my phone rings. It's my mother, and I prepare to be all conversation with her. I have my cup of tea, and my feet up in my cozy slippers. We do the polite "How are you?" and my mother replies "Oh, we're ok, but..."

"Your father has had an incident at dinner, and is on his way to Nanaimo hospital in an ambulance."

My heart immediately leapt into my throat. It lasted only a second - I immediately decided that he had an allergic reaction, which has happened before. My mother asked if I can go and meet him at the emergency room. Of course, I agreed. However, I was working against the clock. Having just taken my amitriptyline, my focus and awareness was about to be severely dulled. So I hop into better clothes, and anticipating a long wait in the ER, pack up a couple of textbooks, and head for the hospital. I call my sister as I pack up, and tell her not to worry, and I will update them. I can't raise Matthew.

It is only as I drive to the hospital that I realize I only know vaguely where it is. I drive up and down the street in the rain and darkness, and can't find the turn. I finally ask a pedestrian on the other side of the street, but they know just as much as I do. I finally find the turn (which is only indicated for east-bound traffic, not west as I was travelling), and get to the hospital. I can't find the ER. I go around the block and find it. Found the ER. Now I have to pay for parking. I was getting a bit worked up by the delay of it all.

I checked in the triage nurse, and I have beat my father there. The ambulance rolls up, and my father is brought in on his stretcher. His eyes are closed, but he is yawning. I relaxed - a yawning man is not a dying man. I called my mom and updated her that he seemed fine. The nurses told me I could go in and see him in a few minutes. In the intervening time, my mom rolls up in a taxi, so I go out to meet her. It is only after I get her inside and settled into the waiting area that my mom tells me that it was his heart. They had been eating dinner when my dad said "I need an ambulance." When the ambulance picked him up, his heart was beating at 32 beats per minute... not enough.

more to come

olympics are here!

2010-02-14T21:50:00.001-08:00

It is now Day 3 of the Olympics. I have been busy, but enjoying myself. I got here on Friday morning, the day of the opening ceremonies. I didn't get to watch them myself, as I was busy working, but they looked fantastic. I have downloaded them from iTunes, and will be watching them in little bits and snatches.

My volunteer task has been interesting. I am a Load Zone Attendant at the Main Media Centre. For those of us who don't know what that is, I load the media (13,000 of them are here) on and off of the buses that take them to and from venues and their accommodations. It is not a glamorous job, but I am meeting a lot of interesting people on my volunteer shifts.

We are treated exceptionally well as volunteers, I must say. They clothe us (warmly), feed us well, and give us lots of breaks and rotations. And the food... well, I thought I would be eating McDonald's (as they are a sponsor), but we are actually fed well. Lunch was soup and a roll, a choice of sandwich (I had curry chicken salad on pumpkin bread), a piece of fruit, a double-packed Nature Valle granola bar, and a Coke-branded beverage. We can get Coke, Dasani, Five Alive, OJ, etc. It is pretty good. When we get sent off site to work (sometimes we are stationed at hotels rather than downtown) we are given a $15 per diem for lunch and another for dinner. I feel pretty well taken care of.

However, we are exposed to a fair amount of anti-Olympic sentiment. I was stationed on Denman outside the Coast Plaza Hotel, defending a poorly-signed Olympic bus zone. of the 10 vehicles I had to ask to move along, only one was polite. I had a lady yell at me (twice), another lady was poking me in the chest, asking "Do you work for the city? Then you can't tell me what to do!" This was among other incidents. The last one was when a driver was seriously half an inch from running over my toes (he peeled out midway through my "Sorry, this is a VANOC bus zone speech"). I decided at that point I had had enough, called my supervisor, and just said "I'm a volunteer, I'm not getting paid to step into traffic" and returned to the main depot at the Media Centre. They were fine with it. Unfortunately, there have been other problems as well. One of our volunteers was spit on, we've been called "VANOC Scumbags" among other things as well.

I am not surprised by these incidents. There are a great number of people that have been affected by bringing the Olympics here. However, it is not fair to take it out on the volunteers. We are here giving our time and energy to make this the best games they can be. Millions/billions of dollars have been spent - so let's show the world what BC can do, and not sour that investment. The money was misspent, but we need to make BC look amazing. Spitting on volunteers, throwing marbles at police, and smashing windows accomplishes nothing.

However, I will not let that spoil the good time that I am having. One of the chartered bus drivers, who is on contract from Chicago, said to me that he has NEVER seen the level of excitement in a city that he is seeing here, and he has worked world's fairs, superbowls, etc. I think that is amazing.

The Olympics are here. I am here, helping, and having a good time.

Go Canada GO!

celebration - friday photo challenge

2010-02-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

Once again, I am late. But here is my contribution:

This my friend Ella and I in a cafe in Paris in 2008. Ella was studying there, and I had saved up to go and visit her there. Ella was studying at Sciences Po, so this was my third day there, and the first time she and I really had a chance to hang out. So for me, this picture is a celebration of two friends enjoying each others company in a new and exciting setting.

It is something that none of us do often enough.

friday photo challenge

2010-02-06T18:22:00.001-08:00

So I am late, I realize that. But I have been in Vancouver getting set up as an Olympic volunteer, so here is my late submission.

I took this picture when I was recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed, and then two weeks later, having some surgery near the base of my spine, which meant I couldn't sit down for two weeks.

Needless to say, I spent a lot of time wandering around. This picture was taken in Sierra Park, near my parents place in Victoria.

I think that the leave represent variety in such a big way for me. There can be thousands on a tree, none the same, but when we pick up a fallen leaf, we say "Oh, a leaf."

musings on strength

2010-01-31T09:27:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, my friend Lindsay has started her Friday Photo Challenge over on her blog, Destined to be an old woman with no regrets. Part of the challenge, beyond posting a photo that works with the theme, is to comment on the other contributors as well. So on this grey, Sunday morning in Nanaimo, I grabbed my coffee cup and started perusing the other contributors pages.

There are so many definitions of strength, so many different ways it can be interpreted. The photo submissions were all excellent, as were the explanations and comments that ran along with them. But it was in reading A Garden for Butterflies that I was particularly struck.

This individual has suffered an unimaginable loss, that would destroy so many people. She writes in her post:

"Friends have called me "strong"; my psychiatrist called me "resilient". Instead of feeling complimented, I feel offended. I don't feel strong, I am not exhibiting behaviors of a strong person. By saying "strong" and "resilient" it feels like people are telling me "you're doing great, keep up the good work."

That comment struck home for me. We all struggle through life. The author of those words lost a child, the Steadfast Warrior lost two children before they were born, and I struggled with my homosexuality for years. While I can't even begin to calculate the loss of a child, I can empathize with those words. People can tell you that you are strong, and perhaps, on some level those words help just a tiny little bit. But I don't think that they offer the level of support that the speaker intends.

We live in a world that is obsessed with our privacy. We seldom share the 'reality' that occupies our souls and hearts and minds. People are always saying how lucky I am, how I am so good natured and easy going. While coming to terms with the fact that I was gay, I kept reading about what a liberating experience it is, to express ones freedom, etc etc yadda yadda yadda. But the fact is, I am not as happy as I appear all the time, and never was. It is an act, a facade. During my struggle, I went home every night, at one level ashamed of who I was, and wanting to crawl out of my skin, just to end the internal conflict. I was even entertaining suicidal thoughts at one point. And while that part of my life is over, and I have settled into being comfortable with who I am, the fact that I was so unhappy to the point of being suicidal remains with me. The fright of being capable of those thoughts will be with me for the rest of my life. Which is why, when people are constantly calling me happy, it can feel hollow, just like telling a grieving mother how strong they were must be. Small words said with kind intent, but with small effect.

Strength is not physical, and it is not endurance. Strength is the power to change, the power to adapt and emerge new. It is a process. Life throws all of us obstacles, some more than others. Just because someone has overcome an obstacle once, twice, or three times does not mean that they can get over each and every one for the rest of their lives.

I am not advocating that we should stop saying these things. Rather, I have a different proposal. I also fully acknowledge that the words I am about to write here are words I need to take to heart myself:

The next time you are compelled to say to someone "Look how strong you are," stop and think. Are you saying it because you are not sure what to say? Or what help or assistance or love you can offer? If you are, use those words instead. Tell the person that you want to help, and need to know how. I expect that those words will carry far more weight than "You're so strong."

We need to think before we speak.

And I'm out.

friday photo challenge

2010-01-29T18:08:00.001-08:00

My friend Lindsay, the Steadfast Warrior, has started a Friday photo challenge. You can see the details over on her blog, but here are my contribution(s).

This is the side of Le Sainte Chappelle in Paris. It is renowned for being gothic but so light at the same time. Look at the size of the windows.

The Eiffel Tower

This is the roof of Market Square.

quiet

2010-01-24T09:47:00.000-08:00

I have been going through a phase of just quietly existing, or at least trying to. Much of the frustration I mentioned in a previous post has been dealt with in one way or another. Namely, the Olympics finally figured out my schedule, and my student loan was deposited on Friday night, and not a moment too soon.

The only annoyance left to dispose of is the evicted roommate. I find that now, everything he does is that much more annoying, and it is all stupid stuff. Take the microwave... he just punches in time, and then opens the door when he thinks it is done. Which leaves the microwave sitting there with random numbers like "00:07" or "15:32" on it. It drives me nuts. Stupid, yes. His girlfriend is here CONSTANTLY now, and they have started taking long showers... together. Like 40 mins worth. In a house with only one bathroom, I think that is inconsiderate. Anyways, he is gone at the end of the month - one week today. Is it work mentioning? I think not.

My other roommate has been so patient through all of this. I really am lucky to have her around, cause she has put up with a lot from the other roomie. I haven't found anyone else to move in with us, but that is almost good, because we have to get the wall patched, and it will be easier to do it when the room is vacant.

In any case, I need to focus on the good, and on the things that I can change.

That's the moral.

And I'm out.

scattered

2010-01-16T15:55:00.000-08:00

My student loan is in the process of being un-messed-up, and I am also in the process of detangling my Olympic volunteer schedule. I am also still trying to lay out my semester, and information doesn't seem to be as forthcoming as it has been in previous terms. Now that the roommate has been evicted (he is here until the end of the month, though) I find all of the stuff he is doing exceedingly annoying.

All of this results in feeling scattered and a bit out of control, which is not pleasant, and in turn results in a short fuse. I know what the problem is, and I know there is resolution coming soon on all fronts. Student Loans has my updated banking information, and I have contacted VANOC about my schedule. The roommate, while annoying, is weeks away from moving, and I have found a replacement that both Sam and I are pleased with. That being said, the feeling still remains. My short fuse resulted in my snapping at R. this morning, which wasn't fair.

To add to all the fun, I also have a beaut of a headache. Part of a trend of headaches, actually. But that is another story.

Time to step back, and focus on the positive. I also need to purge some 'stuff' out of my life, cause I feel like I am endlessly tidying and putting away and moving about, but not accomplishing much. So I am going to work out a plan for that in the coming days.

I'm out.

unimpressed

2010-01-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

In other news, I evicted one of the roommates last week. Jan 2 to be exact. It just wasn't working... he asked me for permission for a couple of parties, which I granted, outlining that it is a family complex, etc... and apparently there was no problem.

But there was. Two noise complaints were lodged from the strata council - three means we can't ever rent. He demolished two of those in less than 10 days. Then I found out that at his New Year's party, some of his guests were in/slept in our other roommates bedroom. Which is completely not cool. So we asked him to leave... and he was ok with it.

So I posted the ad on Craig's List, and have had one pickup, which is great. That person is coming to view it today, which is also great. So I went into J's room to open it up and air it out, and found this:

Yes, a giant hole (and accompanying dent) in the wall under the window. GRRRRR!!!! It sucks enough that the whole even exists - what sucks even more is getting it fixed. We have lovely 1970s textured drywall. Which is a BITCH to replace.

This is an example of why a person gets a damage deposit. But seriously dude, were you not gonna tell me? Just move out and be like "oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you..."

What other delights are hiding behind his furniture?

two months!!!

2010-01-04T18:23:00.000-08:00

Whoops... looks like it has been two months since I posted last. I guess I temporarily fell off the blogger bandwagon...

The last two months have passed without any great event. R and I hit some rocky territory, but we worked through (and continue to work through) it, and are both much happier people as a result. And, on January 1, we celebrated 1 year from the day we were introduced. For us, it is a milestone - a one year anniversary, and a personal milestone, in that this is the longest relationship I have been in. Certainly, it has not been without the odd challenge, but I think that the two of us are settling grandly into a very genuine relationship. I know I have never felt as comfortable as I do now.

The fall semester wrapped up fairly tidily... I did 4 courses, and got 2 A's and 2 A-'s, which is nothing to sneeze at. My GPA is now 7.90 out of 9, which means that I am on the Dean's List, and will graduate "with distinction" if I don't royally screw things up. The high point of my semester was my course called "Studies in Globalization." It was a variable-content course, so this term's focus was 'Terrorism and Fundamentalism in the Novel." A lot of the terminology in the course was quite steep, for lack of a better term. However, I seemed to do pretty well in it, and wrote my paper on how post-modern architecture could be interpreted as a method of terror, connecting it with real buildings, and the spaces contrived in a couple of the novels that the class read. Well, I got an A+ on the paper, and the professor was sufficiently impressed with it that he offered me the chance to a directed reading/directed study on that topic if I wanted. It's something to think about, as I am hoping to do a course in one of the summer sessions, and if there isn't anything good for my degree, then I could take him up on the offer of directed studies. We shall see.

The exam period went pretty well, I had only three this year. Two on the same day, and then one on the 18th. Unfortunately, I ended up in the hospital earlier in December, having woke up very ill and throwing up blood. This is the second time that has happened to me (the first was two years ago). Went to the emergency room, and had a bunch of tests done. It turns out that the blood was from being so ill that I tore some of the small blood vessels in my esophagus, called Mallory-Weiss tear. Yay. So no terrible diseases, just a collection of symptoms. I had had a fair amount to drink the night before this all went down, but the doctors said it wasn't the booze that caused it. However, since then, I have been back off the drinking wagon.

Which caused me to pause and think... this year I have been drinking far less than previously. I think it may be because I am gradually becoming a happier person, or at the very least learning that alcohol doesn't help. In any case, it has resulted in my tolerance dropping severely... one glass of wine with dinner and I am a happy guy... whereas I used to be able to work through a bottle or two with company. So that is a positive.

Olympics. I finally got my volunteer posting for Vancouver 2010. I am going to be a Load Zone Attendant and the Main Media Centre in downtown Vancouver. Not the most glamorous of jobs, but I am looking forward to it nonetheless. I go to the mainland on February 5 to get my uniform and accreditation, and my training will occur somewhere between then and one week later, when the games actually begin. It is definitely exciting, but I have to catch up on my eLearning modules, which I have not been doing, thinking I wasn't going to get a post. *sheepish grin*

The Christmas holidays went well. R came for an extended visit, and we spent time in Vancouver, Victoria and Ucluelet. It was amazing. This is the first Christmas in probably a decade where I have had such a span of time off from work AND school. It was incredibly relaxing. I guess it isn't so bad working for an employer that closes over the holiday season. I did the math... 18 days off in a row. Some of the highlights of my travels was seeing Lindsay and her little one, going to Ucluelet for the first time, Christmas Day in Victoria with the family, and NYE in Vancouver with Liz and Chris, to name a few.

Ok, this post is getting massive, so I am going to break at this point, and let things roll through January.

OK, that sentence made no sense. I am going to continue to post through January. There.

Also, taking a cue from Lindsay, I am going to look at changing my template. This current template with the lonely tree really reflected me as a person about a year ago, feeling lonely and isolated. But I am not that person anymore, so I am going to explore some changes.

I'm out for now.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T08:25:00.001-07:00

The did the Mash!!!!

Click here

and now here

and time for a classic

maybe not that bad?

2009-10-25T16:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so maybe things are not as bad as they seem sometimes. Getting it out, however, was a big part of getting over it.

Nothing in life is easy. I guess now that I have figured out the whole 'fear of hidden meaning' thing, it is now time to address it. Hopefully, the other things will fall into place behind it.

things are not good

2009-10-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

Once again, I am posting about how 'something is wrong with me.' I am so sick and tired of this feeling. I don't know what brings them, but all I know is that my mood, my self-esteem, and my sense of well-being are being affected by how I feel, and that is in turn affecting my relationships, inside and out of personal life.

Single phrases can send me into a tail spin. For absolutely foolish reasons. I find myself reading into what is REALLY being said, when what is being said IS really what is being said. This tendency is creating real damage. Can I blame my mother? Not 100%... but then it means that is me. And I don't know how to fix me.

I'm worried about my relationship with R. Of all the Sundays in the semester, I have managed to be an ass, be upset, be foolish, or depressed for the majority of them. And this has only started since September. Why Sundays? I can't tell you. But I am worried that I am driving a distance and wedge between us. I'm not able to communicate properly anymore, and I worry about R taking things the wrong way. Nothing is very clear.

Except this: I am not the same person in our relationship that I was even 2 months ago. I've gone from being supportive to being a pin cushion, subconsciously suspicious of every comment, looking for that hidden meaning. It is a testament to R's strength that he keeps me around... I'm driving me nuts, so it must be bad to see this from the outside in.

I don't know how to fix this. The entirely rational part of me can label exactly what is going on, but the emotional side of me won't fucking quit. I should be able to identify what is happening, and change it. That's what all the self-help people say, and that is what the counsellor at the school has told me. So how come I can only label, and not handle?

I just don't know.

This Sunday, I am well on my way to wrecking what should be an evening spent together. I am hoping that writing this post will make me feel better... but I have a feeling that the damage has already been done to tonight.

And for that I am sorry. And I am also scared.

And I'm out.

literal video

2009-10-13T18:03:00.001-07:00

The concept is that music videos never sing about what is happening... unless someone does a really good cover.

If you don't find yourself smiling and laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.

if i only knew why

2009-09-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

So I got the first assignment of the term back. It was my Learning Contract for my digital media course, and I guess I really missed the boat.

I got a C+.

Not the best way to start the term, you say? I would be inclined to agree. I am also frustrated by the comments "Dave, this is good re: assignments, but it is missing the other elements I asked for." Umm... what elements?

One sentence does not justify a C+. Sorry, that just doesn't computer in my books. I went to the slides from that lecture, and there is nothing about elements, and in fact says "There is no fixed format for a learning contract."

Needless to say, I am lost. I am going to make an appointment with the prof, to find out where I went wrong. I may have gapped and missed something completely (it's rare, but has happened before) or else the criteria were unclear, in which case I want a chance to up my grade, or else detailed comments.

I can handle a C+, but I need to know why.

And I'm out.

davelearnsdigi

2009-09-29T17:19:00.000-07:00

So, I've done it. I've started another blog.

Dave Ross is pleased to announce the launch of davelearnsdigi.wordpress.com

What is the purpose of this new blog you ask? Well, I need to have a learning journal, as well as document my progress through a couple of components of my DIGI 301 course. I decided to use a Wordpress blog in order to understand a different provider in the Blogosphere.

So check it out every now and then. There will be at least weekly entries on the overall course, as well as (Linds, you'll like this one) "Dave teaches himself digital photography." There will be lost of pretty (and not so pretty) pictures.

http://davelearnsdigi.wordpress.com/

And I'm out.

ugh

2009-09-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

So i am in the midst of BUTT-loads of schoolwork. Handed in a two-part 2500-word paper on Friday, another assignment for today, wrote a 1500 word paper on Saturday (for Tuesday) and have to write a 1000-word scene analysis for tomorrow. Lots to do.

But the real conundrum is this. I cut caffeinated coffee out of my diet in the last week of April. I still get the occasional bit of caffeine of course, but have drastically reduced it. It's a good thing, right? I've also been getting 7 hours of a sleep a night, more often 8, trying to to stay ahead of the curve and not exhaust myself, right?

So why the blazes am I falling asleep in an 11.30am class? I even ate a healthy, energy-filled lunch right before class. Sandwich on whole grain bread, banana, granola bar, red grapes, and water...

I'm very puzzled. Anyone have any ideas on how to combat this?

first days and odd moments

2009-09-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

So my mother called last night to wish me a "Good first day at school." It was a really weird moment. I mean, I am excited for school to start, as the summer was (believe it or not) starting to become a bit interminable. But at the same time, I'm not going off to Grade 1 with my blue Care Bears lunch box... it just struck me as odd. I'm 26 years old, and entering the last year of my degree. Just seemed odd to be making such a big deal about it. Of course, she was then able to bring up Matthew and HIS school arrangements. Which, as many of you know, I am trying not to give a rat's ass about. Maybe it is all a game? I dunno.

But on another parent-related note, my mother tried to turn Matthew's birthday and mine into a giant shin-dig this Saturday, and were making a big deal about it. And I said no. I have to go to Victoria on Monday, and again the next Saturday, and I really don't feel like doing three same-day round-trips to Victoria over the next 10 days. Wanna know the scary part?

They listened.

I know. I was just as amazed as you are. I did arrange to have dinner with them the Monday night before heading back up-Island... but I did it cause it works for ME. So this is a new first.

And speaking of school... today was the first day! (I'm allowed to be excited about it, apparently). I had my Romantic Literature class first, which went surprisingly well. I was bemoaning the class as the first of my degree, as I am not an enormous fan of the Romantics, but it went really well. The prof is very engaging, the material is not overwhelming, and I think it will be a great course. Then I had Canadian Drama... which is going to be very predictable. It is a very small class, only about 10-12 of us. I'm not a fan of Canadian Lit, and I am pretty sure that that dislike will continue into drama as well. But, head down, I will get it done.

It feels good to start school. I've got something to sink my teeth into. And hopefully, something to update blogs with!

And I'm out.

new-ness

2009-07-26T09:22:00.001-07:00

So I have said goodbye to Starbucks. It's a been a great haul, but I had an opportunity come up at the college that I simply could not say no to.

You are looking at the new Administrative Office Assistant in the Office of the Vice-President, Academic. It's a mouthful, I know. But the pay is more than double what I get at Starbucks, the hours are far more agreeable (I make my own hours) and far more compatible with school. I am in a term appointment, which means that I am secure until the end of the current fiscal year (March 31, 2009). 21 hours/week. It's great. And if they like me, and the budget allows it, I could continue beyond that. And if it doesn't, it's not that bad. I am now a proper employee of VIU, not a student employee, meaning that I am passed the closed-shop unionized hiring procedures.

I am going to miss the camaraderie at Starbucks, but not the job really. I think I burned out waiting for the supervisory position to become a reality, clinging onto a hope that I didn't know and couldn't compute. So I was hoping on my own terms, and unfortunately, when you are dealing with a company as large as Starbucks, one can't afford to do that. It just leads to disappointment. I have already told some of the regulars, and they are all saying how disappointed they are to see me go, but very happy that I am moving forward. In fact, one of our regulars (Grande Americano one shot half & half stirred) got chatting with me... her sister works for the Georgia Strait, so I have an 'in' in the Communications world when I am done. Her sister said to give her a call if I am looking to intern and they would see if anything could be arranged. I really should get that regulars' card...

In other news, with my job comes a newly-insured car. That's right, Ruby is back on the road. Since my monthly income has almost doubled, I am taking that luxury back into being. It will remove so much stress from my life: no more shopping at "Quality Foods" (aka Shitty Foods), no more hours spent on the bus getting to the mall just to get dry cleaning, no more missed work to take time for doctor's appointments, and the freedom to do things like take off to the park, or the waterfront, or somewhere else without it being an expedition. Lindsay just had her baby shower, and it KILLED me that I couldn't make it to Victoria to be there because of a stupid shift I couldn't get rid of and the expense and time involved in a round-trip Greyhound ticket.

So that is the latest from Dave. Roger is in Minnesota visiting his family before he starts school mid-August, so with the time difference and family obligations our contact is more fleeting than it has been, which is a definite adjustment, but one that we are both becoming acclimatized to. It will take time, but it can be done. Change, no matter what part of your life it takes place in, always requires adjustment. And if there is one thing that I know about myself, it's that I like things to be the way they are. No change. I always adapt, but the adaptation always takes me a bit longer.

In any case, I am going to try and have a productive morning before heading off to Starbucks this afternoon. We've got a new roommate moving in sometime soon, so I need to clear space in the kitchen and things. Busy busy!

And I'm out.

fun and frugal summer

2009-07-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

So that itch hasn't quite gone away, but I am reassessing the need to scratch. I'm just stuck in a 'hobby job.' That is how Roger described it, and I think it is quite apt. While I was in school, Starbucks was not a big deal - the monotony of it all didn't really compute because it was almost my escape from things. Now, it is all-consuming. I am regularly working 35 hours a week, and while I am not complaining, but by the time I hit the 25th hour or so, I am definitely starting to be done with it. I've done the shift-worker part of my life already, and moved beyond it. I am not above doing it while in school, but I need to move on out of it when I am done.

That being said, I have recently slashed my hours at Starbucks. The Office of the Vice-President, Academic at the school has offered me 20/hrs a week until September 15. I accepted. I frankly got kind of tired of waiting for SB to promote me to shift supervisor - they appeared startled when I announced I was only available 3 days a week now, but I view it as their loss. In my eyes, the potential promotion has disappeared. I wouldn't say now if they offered, but I would be incredibly startled if it appeared now. But que sera sera, eh? I have to look out for number one. I earn more than double my Starbucks wage at the school, so I can earn an entire week's salary in half the time. It was a no-brainer.

I am also embarking on a financial reassessment. They are never fun, but I am completing it with encouragement from Roger. The bad news is that I am still in the hole (and probably will be for some time) but my goal is to climb out of living in my overdraft while maintaining the status quo with my bills and credit cards. Once I have cleared the overdraft and built a small cash-buffer, I will focus on lowering my credit card debts. The good news is that all of this is possible - after careful assessment, I am actually spending less than I make right now. So these goals are possible. I just need to look at how I am spending that difference to make sure that I can whittle away at my debts.

In exciting news, Roger was here for another visit over the end of June/early July. We had a great time. It was so good to just hang out around each other without the pressure of 'meeting.' I wasn't able to take any time off, unfortunately, so he spent a lot of time bucketing around Nanaimo, checking out Westwood Lake, down by the Harbourfront, visiting Colliery Dam lakes... but he had a good time, and so did I. We went over to Protection Island and visited the Dinghy Dock Pub, Canada's only floating pub, and just bummed around when I wasn't at work. We went down to Butchart Gardens and saw the first Fireworks show on July 4 - the perfect way to end Roger's visit and to celebrate Independence Day (that part was more of a happy coincidence).

Now I get to look forward to the prospect of a week off with Hannah. We haven't quite decided where we are going to go, but it looks like either a trip up-Island to Hornby, or a roadtrip to Nelson. Either will be welcome. That will be my last 'holiday' of my fun and frugal summer, before school ramps up again on September 8.

All in all, it's been good so far!

And I'm out.

Pics in order from top to bottom:

Visiting the "Treasures" exhibit at the RBCM.
Waiting for the ferry to the Dinghy Dock Pub, which incidentally, is a converted lifeboat from the Queen of the North.
The "Protection Connection" to Protection Island.
Enjoying the house brew.
A refreshing drink for Roger on a hot day.
Departing the Dinghy Dock Pub.
The view between Newcastle and Protection Islands.
Visiting with Hannah.

squirmy

2009-07-12T15:04:00.000-07:00

I have an itch, but I don't know where to scratch.

dreams

2009-06-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

I have been having bothersome dreams lately. Some of them have been extremely persistent... re-starting after a midnight pee-break or an early morning toss/turn.

They feature people and events in my life that have already occurred. They are bothersome because it is usually the bad version of events, how things could've gone wrong, or someone (Lindsay, co-workers, even R.) being mean or negligent when I seek help. In other dreams though, the same individuals will be on my side against whatever blight it is that I am dealing with.

I want them to go away because they are unpleasant, and they are disrupting my sleep. Any ideas?

vacay

2009-05-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

So it's over. It's actually been over for a week now. I just have been busy working!

R. arrived for his visit last Tuesday morning. I will admit to being a bit nervous at the airport. There I was, about to pick up a guy that I had never actually met before. We have spent hours chatting on iChat and the like, but to have someone travel 1200 miles to visit you... I have never done that before. We were texting each other on his flights up, as he connected through Seattle. His flight arrived on time, and within moments of him exiting the Arrivals area, any hint of tension was broken as he clandestinely shared the story of the woman who fell down the boarding stairs just before departure, holding things up as all her legal info was collected. It was like two old friends who haven't seen each other in a long time, picking right up where they left off.

We headed into Victoria, and spent a great couple of days there. R. has been to the Capital region before, but never with a resident guide. He got the full tour, the harbour, Ogden Point, my neighbourhood, UVic, Lansdowne, a bit of Oak Bay and some of Esquimalt as well. The places that most tourists don't get to.

We went to The Butchart Gardens on the Wednesday, and had Afternoon Tea there, R's first time. It was delicious as usual, and we had a great table overlooking the Picnic Lawns and the Italian Garden all the way down to Butchart Cove. We wandered around in the rain, as I put on my tour guide hat, and ran into several of my old friends and coworkers there.

Thursday we were off to Vancouver. We had tickets to go see Celtic Thunder at the UBC Thunderbird Stadium. I had not had a great deal of exposure to their music before, but R. didn't want to pass up the chance to see them, so off we went. Transit in Vancouver lived up to expectations, and we enjoyed a couple of good meals on our way to and from. I had wanted to see Linds, but alas, our schedules once again were not copacetic. So we had to make-do with a drop-in hello and a special Starbucks drink instead. Friday R. and I headed back to Nanaimo after seeing some of Vancouver and having breakfast, and then had to turn around and go right back to Vancouver to see Les Miserables on Saturday. We had lunch with Liz and Chris at Caffe Barney on Granville, and went off to the matinee. I wasn't familiar with the plot or music from Les Miserables, although R. has seen it before. It was actually quite good! I would like to see the Broadway version at some point if I am ever near it.

We then spent the rest of R's visit bucketing around Nanaimo and area. We walked the Harbourfront and Swy'a'lana Lagoon, and walked around Piper's Lagoon on a stormy afternoon. Movies were watched, dinners were cooked, and a great time was had by all.

I couldn't have asked for a better holiday, or a better person to spend it with.

yay

2009-05-04T12:15:00.000-07:00

My week off has finally arrived!

Off to Victoria today, then meeting R at the airport tomorrow, and then nothing to do till Sunday.

:)

And, my heart is improving as well. So things are good!

And I'm out.

physical health

2009-04-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

So the stress of dealing with the family has finally gotten to the point where it is affecting my physical health.

Since Saturday, I have had an irregular heart beat. As in too fast almost all the time, and too strong. Accompanied by dizziness/lightheadedness. It has been scary and unpleasant, and I was trying to do the whole "mind over matter" bit, but it wasn't working. Then, I returned to work on Tuesday, and worked an hour shift. I felt fantastic - still a bit of dizziness, but nothing nearly as bad as before. Then I got home, and it all hit home again. My nausea returned, the dizziness returned. Again, I tried mind-over-matter, but to no avail. Went to bed early, medicating myself with Benadryl so I would at least sleep. Woke up at 6:40am this morning, as I normally do, and then rolled over and went back to sleep. 9:40am, I shot bolt awake. My heart was going at about 110bpm, and if I looked at my chest, I could SEE my heartbeat. It was extremely scary.

I called the 811 "talk to a nurse line" and they told me to get to a clinic right away. I went in, and the doctor ran down my entire medical history with me, and couldn't find anything. Then he asked me to describe how I felt, and I said "anxious." He kept pushing, and asked me what had happened in the last 10 days. And then Saturday came up, and I nearly burst into tears. I realized that I had been trying to bottle up what happened at my parents that day.

Long story short, I know have stress-induced tachycardia. I have been placed on ten days worth of beta blockers to lower my blood pressure, lower my heart rate, and make it easier for me to sleep. He also said to me "we can't medicate the anxiety out of you, you need to talk to your parents."

I can't talk to my parents. Linds, Claire, you know that that would accomplish nothing. So I called Liz, and she recommended that I go to the counsellors at the University. So I did. For the second time is six months.

Once again, Craig helped me to label what was going on. He also reiterated that as an adult child, I have a right to establish boundaries. He even went so far as to agree with me on the issue of not riding with an inexperienced driver. He said what is causing my anxiety is that I am on the defensive from the issue still. I am to remind myself that it is over. I am entitled to lay boundaries now, and it may have been tough, but as he said "You did it, and you've done good." Which feels really good to say. He also said that at 25, most people's relationships with their parents begin to change, and start to be defined by the child and NOT the parent.

Sometimes, I feel so weak. I struggle so hard to not care about what is happening with Matthew, but this one just completely hit home. And I wasn't able to let it go. I also shouldn't let it go.

I am staring to ramble, but from now on, I need to constructively re-shape the nature of my relationship with my parents and Matthew. Craig suggested that I say to my mother "Mom, there are things that I am able to engage with regarding Matthew, and there are going to some things that I refuse to participate in, and that is just how it is."

I already feel loads better. The tension is leaving my chest and my shoulders, and I feel like having a little bit of a relieving cry. I rented Marley and Me, so that should trigger a bit of a sob, it did in the theatres.

I'm out.

rough waters

2009-04-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

It is time of trial and tribulation that I reminded of just how ridiculous I can become.

I got into an argument at my parent's house on Saturday. Everyone was supposed to be having a nice lunch - it was me, Matthew, Mom and Dad. Mom had made a delicious meal, but things got off to a bad start.

Mom and Dad liked a playlist that I had built for a dinner the previous night. So I put it on again. It was a mix of Amici, G4, Il Divo, that kind of thing. Matthew made a couple of derisive comments about its musicality, and as I am learning to stand up for myself more, I finally just turned to him and said "If you don't like it, can you just say so instead of implying it and berating my music selections." He just shot me an evil look and told me to relax. However, he did stop.

But then he asked if he can drive me to my haircut. Matthew just got his license 5 weeks ago. Those of you who know him would understand why I am a bit trepidatious at the idea. He is so distractable, he has NO professional training... so I just said "No, actually. Until you've had a bit more experience I would rather not." I know it is an odd thing to say, but I feel perfectly within my rights saying it. And besides, when I had my license, I couldn't TOUCH the car until I was in Young Drivers'. Stupid double standard.

Anyways, Matthew flies off the handle about how I don't trust him, I've never trusted him, and that all he wanted to do was show me how good he was. Tensions mounted, and I repeated my concerns, and then my Mom weighed in ON MATTHEW'S SIDE! So I stood my ground. And then Dad pipes in that "We can't plan these meals anymore because you two only ever argue, you (pointing at me) are always after your brother, and you two fight about right and wrong."

So I stood up from my plate, went to the kitchen, and said "I'm going upstairs to pack." And then I left the house.

I am SO SICK and TIRED of that crap. Goddamit, I don't need to take it. There is no battle between right and wrong, and I am completely entitled to my opinion. Sorry Mom.

I called the house after an appropriate period of time, and apologized for leaving, but that it was clearly the only way to end the argument. I reiterated how I felt, and got told that "You are not external to this, you created this! All your brother wanted to do was show you how he is doing something right. And you blew it. He will NEVER care about your opinion anymore, or give a CRAP about your approval."

Let's pause for a second: When did Matthew EVER give a crap about ANYTHING or any advice that I have thrown his way? Did I miss something?

Anyways, now Mom and Dad have cancelled their trip to the mainland for my sister's birthday because she and I have 'an agenda.'

So clearly, I am a horrible human being.

2009-04-25T22:10:00.000-07:00

I walked out of my parent's house today. Mid-meal. Something in me snapped.

I was supposed to stay the weekend there, and have been there since Thursday night, and a perfectly pleasant afternoon lunch turned into a screaming match. So I left.

And now I am being blamed for causing the problem all together.

I'm aborting this post.

one of the reasons i love the coast

2009-04-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

The view from my sometimes-office at the school.

weekend

2009-04-23T22:04:00.001-07:00

I have just finished a stretch of many days of both jobs running back to back - tomorrow is my first day off since Easter Monday.

I am looking forward to it. Going to go out to The Gardens and say hello to everyone, probably have lunch, then I am off to spend the evening with my friend Heather. I have not seen her in ages, and we are just going to have a good night and drink a couple of nice bottles of wine. Haircut on Saturday, and then back to Nanaimo on Sunday.

It's gonna be good!

I'm out...

first ever

2009-04-18T13:16:00.000-07:00

I got my first ever A+!!!!

In one of my Media Studies courses, we had to propose our grade. I asked for an A/A+ and this is what the professor said:

Hi Dave:

Thanks for the detailed breakdown of your contributions to the course: this is an impressive and realistic list!

While it's rare for me to assign an A+, this appears to be one of those special occasions where inspired contributions beyond the call of duty deserve to be recognized. You got it.

I especially appreciated your willingness to adapt to changing conditions (Tina, last-minute interviews, personnel issues), your thorough and conscientious approach to on-going communications, and your creative contributions to various aspects of the campaign--including becoming the student face of the campaign. Nicely done! You played a major and influential role in shaping this campaign, and demonstrated some excellent leadership skills. I appreciate your involvement very much.

It's been a sincere pleasure to learn with you over the last year, and I hope we'll stay in touch.

Have a great summer!

Marshall

Well, needless to say I am very pleased. I got an A in my other course, and am still waiting for the grades on the Media on Film course, but this term looks like it shaking down to be a very good one! Exams are done, and my stress levels are slowly dropping.

I have been working a lot - I picked up a temporary job at the university. It's in the same office as before, but a bit more responsibility. The President's assistant is on holiday, and I am covering her desk, which is cool. And pays well. Unfortunately, it also means working twelve days in a row without a day off, including many days that are back-to-back between the two jobs. Those are tough.

The roommate is moving out soon, and it is a good thing. The last two nights I have been awoken by what sounds like a cheap porno being made next door. I need to have a chat with him - it's his life, but when I need to get up at 4.30am to open at Starbucks, I don't want to be woken in the middle of the night.

And finally, R is going to be here in a little over two weeks! I am very excited for the visit. A couple of days in Victoria, a day in Vancouver (with tickets to see Les Miserable!) and then the rest of the time puttering about on the island... it will be a welcome respite and change.

Life is good!

And I'm out...

mystery package

2009-04-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

I got a mystery package this week, which was full of surprises.

R. sent me a massive box full of easter treats. It took me half an hour to unpack it all, and will take me even longer to consume it all.

It is the unexpected in life that can make it fun.

release

2009-04-05T15:43:00.001-07:00

Alright, I've been bottling shit up. Here goes:

Dear Irritation 1: Please move out, now. Get out of my life. Take your piggy, narrow-minded misogynist, racist, homophobic ass out of here. Stop making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Stop peeing on the toilet seat (How DO you get it under the edge of the seat? Wait, don't tell me), stop going out and leaving the door unlocked, stop running around half-naked all the time.

Dear Irritation 2: Please stop making me feel like an idiot all the time. You're life is so good, stop complaining about it.

Dear Irritation 3: Please stop telling me to come to Victoria for family times. I miss family too, but I CANNOT AFFORD THE TRIP OR THE TIME OFF!!!! If you want me, come get me or buy my Greyhound. You don't get to make me feel bad for not living up to family obligations.

Dear Irritation 4: Please stop making me feel like a child.

Dear Irritation 5: Please either promote me, or tell me you won't. I need to know.

Dear Stupid Woman: YOU run a stop a sign, YOU nearly plow into ME, forcing me to RUN INTO THE ROAD to avoid you, and yet you feel you can turn around and yell at me as I walk up the street? YOU want ME to be more careful? Do you know what those octagonal signs mean? You know, the red ones? They mean STOP! As in STOP YOUR CAR YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!!!!

FUCK YOU!!!!

Jumpin' jehosaphat, I'm angry.

sadness

2009-03-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

I have to learn to stop holding on to hope sometimes. I applied for a job with Harbour Air, had a reference from their Director of Corporate Marketing, an excellent reference from The Gardens, and yet... I didn't get it.

That is the FOURTH job in six months that I haven't been successful in applying for. What am I doing wrong? People say that I am over-qualified for student-level jobs, but that isn't fair. Just cause I am over-qualified doesn't mean I can't do the job. If I remove my over-qualified experience from my resume, then it looks like I haven't worked for five years.

I was really counting on that job, I think more than I was letting myself believe. I hope Starbucks can promote me and cough up more hours for the summer...

It is also in moments like this I want company, but I look around and there is none to be had. So instead of getting this out of my system with a walk and coffee with a friend, I am going to do housework. Alone. Again.

Grump.

importance

2009-03-14T17:54:00.000-07:00

Lindsay posted her Show and Tell over on her blog, and it got me to thinking about the important events in my life. And, in connection with Lindsay's post about her wedding invitations, I thought that I would post one of the important events in my life, which was participating in Lindsay's wedding.

As you can see, Lindsay and I have a friendship that goes WAY back into Grade 11 for both us. We even dated for, oh, what was it Linds? About 10 days? I distinctly remember a Halloween at your house and I was so nervous and terrified at the same time. Needless to say, Lindsay and I were not meant to be, not in the dating sense of the word.

We've remained very good friends throughout the years, and our friendship has involved other people as well. As time pass, some friendships grow and change, and Lindsay's and mine has gotten very strong. One of the greatest honours I have had was being asked to be the emcee at her wedding.

I had never been an emcee, but I will vivdly remember each and every moment of it, and I wish I could remember the speech I delivered. I hope it was as warm hearted and caring as I remember.

Helping get the guest list ready the night before...

Toasting the happy couple...

And dancing with the bride...

To friends, may they be as important always as they are now.

interesting thought

2009-03-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

On the cups at work, they have these saying they call "The Way I See It." I pass out hundreds of these each week, but rarely read them. However, one caught my attention, "The Way I See It #76":

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

- Anne Morriss (Starbucks Customer)

The quote just seemed to grab me a bit, because when you read it a few times, it starts to sink in that that is exactly what happens.

Just thought I would share.

urban dictionary

2009-03-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

So the latest thing is to look up your name at urbandictionary.com and see what comes up. My results, are, I think, pretty spot on.

1. A term used to refer to the coolest person in a group.

2. The name you use when you can't think of a person's name

3. Everyone knows a Dave. Daves are, as a rule, people to ask about something, whether it be plumbing, horseracing, astronomy or computers. Daves, like Steves, are "solid blokes".

4. Beloved

5. Better than David

6.The Model of Perfect. No man can come close to the glory of that which is Dave. Dave's are artistic and funny always knowing how to lay down a good massage. Skills that come with Dave include major dexterity in all matters and extentions of limbs and the what not. Daves have the largest units, brains, and balls. Don't mess with a Dave.

Hehehe.

Let's see what you got!

2009-03-06T16:43:00.000-08:00

I think I need to add to the post below, cause it seems a little bit low.

I am looking forward to the weekend. And well yes, I do feel myself sliding into my weekend-buddy more commonly known as an emotional funk, I also feel like I am not sliding in so deep. I have good people in my life, and some of those people have great news.

This is a good time. Let's focus on that.

home

2009-03-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

Just got in from work, and had a very difficult day. Aside from the usual emo-crap, they also decided to change all the air filters in the HVAC systems on my floor today... so my allergies kicked into high gear, and I had to leave early... so lost some pay. :'(

But, the weekend is here, and I am looking forward to it. Tonight, I get to spend some time with R. It's gonna be good!

Cheers to beers! (And a refreshing elder-flower water for Linds)

And I'm out...

Reading Week

2009-03-03T09:58:00.000-08:00

So Reading Break came and went, and guess what? I actually READ! Not for school, but for fun! I finished off "Foreskin's Lament - A Memoir" by Shalom Auslander and "What was she thinking? Notes on a Scandal" by Zoë Heller. Both were interesting reads, and my goodness, it was nice to be able to just relax for week.

On Thursday, Mom and Dad came up from Victoria, brought me my mail, my violin, and then we headed back down-island (I got to drive. Nanaimo had a freak foot of snow overnight on Wednesday, and Dad has had cataract surgery so Mom didn't want to drive both ways). We had a nice dinner on Thursday night, and a cranberry/apple/brie-stuffed phyloo pastry appetizer... yum.

Friday saw me getting up and going to UVic to see an advisor about possibly returning. The information wasn't good, it also wasn't bad. I am considering it still, but still not 100% settled. I went home, did a bunch of household work for the parents, including moving a cubic metre of pea gravel from the back of the minivan into Milton's paddock, and moving filing cabinets around.

And see, this is where the worry about Victoria comes into play... I am the good son. I am the one who DOES this kind of stuff. Matthew is around, but my Mom is constantly making excuses about why he isn't able to pitch in more. Frankly, it's because he puts his energies into other pursuits, and sleeps when he is at home. And I don't want to be the good son again - that is one of the reasons I left for Nanaimo. In any case, doing all that reminded me as to why I am up here.

Anyways, had beer with some of my old co-workers on Friday night, lunch with a friend on Saturday, and then off to Vancouver in the afternoon. I flew with Harbour Air (I had a free ticket). It was beautiful! I have never seen Victoria from the air like that before. Glad I was able to do it.

Sunday, I went to East Van for my Creating 2010 Volunteer Orientation. It was really interesting. We had our placement interviews, group activities, and a general orientation. I also got a 2" binder of take-home materials, and a DVD of e-Learning modules. The scope of the games is enormous - 25,000 volunteers, 5,500 athletes, etc. It is the equivalent of running the Stanley Cup, Super Bowl and Grey Cup every day for 15 days. I can't imagine the logistics.

We did have to put up with some claptrap, as evidenced by these two videos.

Not sure about the lyric choice on the torch relay, but that is just me...

Unfortunately, now, it is back into the thick of things. Although, the way my work schedule has landed this week, I have a good deal of free time to deal with things. I am also not getting as many hours as I need, and so things are, predictably, stressfully tight. However, I did win a $500 bursary from the school, which I can collect on Monday. That will provide some welcome relief and food!

Wow, talk about a lengthy and boring update!

I have spent this morning watching Star Trek and The Producers. Yep, I am that much of a nerd...

And I'm out...

do i always need a title?

2009-02-18T11:32:00.000-08:00

Man, coming up with blog titles is difficult sometimes!

Well, despite all the excitement on Friday night at work, I survived. Life marches forward for all I guess. But, the best part of my weekend was yet to come.

I had probably the most amazing Valentine's Day I have ever had. I mean, V-Day is hard to quantify as an adult, cause it hearkens back to memories of those books of cards and paper bags taped to the front of desks, but as an adult it takes on different meanings. In any case, I spent 14 hours in the company of R (Linds, yes, it's an R too), and enjoyed every moment of it, and I am reasonably certain he did too. Admittedly, the 2000+ miles that separate us were a bit of an obstacle, but the wonders of the internet made up for it. We just literally hung out, talking, made lunch and dinner together, and just thoroughly enjoyed each others company. We 'met' again for lunch on Monday, and just hung out, even more literally than before. He sat there on my screen just being "in the room" reading his book, while I did my reading for midterms. Did the same thing on Tuesday night. I am really enjoying the fact that we can simply 'be' - there is no pressure to entertain or perform for the other party. I am finally feeling a connection with someone, and remembering what a good feeling it is to have. We have a lot of similar interests, but some dissimilar ones as well, which I believe is a healthy part of any friendship.

Clearly, this (and I can't really define 'this' right now) is new territory for me (distance and all), and it is new for him as well. But right now, it works. And that is fine for me.

Another thing that I have been struggling with is hard drive space. R and I have been exchanging a lot of music, and my hard drive is filling up! So I decided to peel off some of my massive collection of photos, which are mostly archival anyways, and I got looking through my collection.

What do you do with pictures of past boyfriends?

Obviously, none of these relationships was a waste, but I feel like I am keeping them as some sort of reminder? I went through and culled the silly ones, because I feel they don't matter as much, but what about the two of you on a birthday dinner? I am having trouble finding a defining line, but at the same time, am strangely ambivalent about it. It's odd.

Anyways, those are my musings!

I'm out...

uh, what?

2009-02-13T23:07:00.000-08:00

So we always joke at work about how Harewood is a bad neighbourhood, calling it Scarewood, etc. I admit, that when I walk home late at night, I don't listen to my iPod, and try to have someone on the phone with me when I do. However, nothing serious has happened...

Until tonight. We heard a kerfuffle in the parking lot next to the drive thru, and there were these girls running and screaming through the parking lot, but we couldn't tell what was happening, and it was Friday night, so we dismissed it. 20 seconds later, they come tearing in the front door, one girl is sobbing, her face is completely bashed in, and there is blood all over her face and her front, and dripping on the floor. Customers got up, the two girls I was working with ran over, and I grabbed the phone and called 9-1-1 for an ambulance. Meanwhile, this woman is sobbing terribly. Ambulance dispatcher asks to speak with the girl who is with the beaten one, so I give the phone over. I notice a cop car pulling up outside, so I snap my fingers to get one of the girls attention, and send her out (the cops are always around, it is a coffee shop after all). Well, the cope acted like she was all inconvenienced. The phone is now handed over the cop, and the one accompanying girl is like "Don't tell the cop! We don't want them after us!" and being all attitude. There is so much noise and racket, between the girl crying and the cop trying to get information, and freakin' Frank Sinatra belting "New York, New York" on the background music... meanwhile, people are STILL ORDERING DRINKS!!!!

In any case, the night settled down, and all ended well. It was just my first brush with the 'dark' side of Harewood. Hopefully there aren't many more!

PS: We all decided to try and wear the same look, and it looks pretty darned cute, I must say!

how do i love thee, let me count the ways...

2009-02-12T16:48:00.000-08:00

Oh Nanaimo... this is the only city I can think of where you can smell poop from the mill, nearly walk in dog shit (twice, and yes, right on the sidewalk) and step in a puddle of puke (also in the middle of the sidewalk) in the span of about 5 minutes...

There are so many reasons to stay here, don't you agree?

Anyways, in regards to my earlier post, I was asked the question "Are you leaving because of a need to slip back into a comfort zone, or to flee the feeling of loneliness?" And to be completely honest, I am not sure. There are probably elements of both in my situation. I don't want to give anyone the impressions that I have decided to move - cause I haven't.

This part of my life is a new chapter for me. I've had a lot of new chapters, and I am not sure that I like this one in particular. I feel a bit like I am blundering through this one... However, any decision making that needs to be done will be done in due course. In the meantime, I am just living my life.

Admittedly, poo-smell, dog shit and puke don't really add up to a pleasant experience, but hey, instead of getting angry at the city, all I did was produce a type of rueful chuckle and kept going to school.

School today has been, interesting. In my one course, the project we are working on takes a lot of time, but we don't have a lot of direction. Lots of meetings with classmates outside of the regular class hours, but it's ok. I came up to the school today, got lost trying to find the student lounge I was meeting my group in, and then found them in another building. I then moved on to lunch, and then was supposed to have another meeting... that got cancelled. So I had to kill a couple of hours, tried to find dinner. The cafeteria had a single portion of Veggie Lasagna left - so I ate it. Probably won't agree with me later, but there we are.

My Media on Film class starts in about five minutes, so I should probably wrap this up. We are watching The Great Dictator tonight. Charlie Chaplin as Hitler. It should be interesting at the very lease.

I feel like I have a lot to say in my life right now, just need to find the time and the words to get it out.

quiet thanks

2009-02-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

I had a terrible weekend. Saturday was spent indoors, sleeping in, feeling sorry for myself. It got worse when I got into a convo with one of the exes that was really really upsetting me. I could feel myself sliding into a bit of an emotional pit, and I was clawing desperately at something to not have it happen, but alas, I couldn't prevent it.

I watched a movie, then watched another movie, and in the middle of the second movie, I started crying for some odd reason. Which turned into sobbing, which turned into bawling, which turned into the hyperventilating-panicky crying when you just cannot stop. I ended up curled up on my bed, sobbing. I haven't been in such a dark place in a very long time, and it just reinforced how fragile I can be sometimes, and it is honestly something that scares me. I have been so moody lately, and it is not a feeling a like. I can literally go from 'fine' to 'fuck off' in 5 minutes flat. My grandfather had similar traits, and I don't want that, I don't like them.

However, the reason for the quiet thanks is this. Hannah talked me down over iChat in the middle of my lowest point, offering words of encouragement when they were needed most, and I felt like there was no one else that I could talk to. I owe her a gratitude for that. I also owe RH thanks - I have quickly learned that he is amazing at delivering little tidbits that prop me back up when I am feeling low, which has admittedly been quite a bit lately. His advice is never patronizing, nor 'lecturing,' just good solid words. It's like he holds up a mirror so I can see exactly what I am saying, and also reflects how much strength I actually have. It is people like these, and Linds and Claire and I am sure others that I am forgetting, that are always content to listen, and for that I give quiet and humble thanks.

It is that strength that is ebbing. I am running out of the chutzpah to stay here in Nanaimo. This city is so difficult to exist in, especially without my car. My finances are strained to the breaking point, and I have no friends here. No one that I can talk to, no one that I can go for a walk with, just classmates. I feel like a prisoner in my own townhome - my life is confined to 7 square blocks. It's 0.8 miles to work, and 0.9 to school. That is my life. I can always count on my brother in law for support, but I can't let things fly in front of him - the Dave filter gets switched on, and I start tempering my language, and downplaying how I am feeling.

So I am using this blog to say this: I am extremely unhappy here. That sums it up. I am still mulling my options, but I might just bail back to Victoria at the end of this term, or partway through the summer. I applied for a part-time job at the school, which would increase my income, easing the financial stress and allowing me to operate my car again, which would make this city more bearable in the short term. But if the job falls through (and I have a feeling it may have already), I will likely be back in Victoria soon.

I feel like "the grass is always greener" is kicking in here... again. But being here is stressing me out, and my temper runs shorter and shorter with each passing week. And I am drinking more...

Here is my logic for moving:

Nanaimo:
- No car
- Earn $1000/month tops
- Spend $1000/month
- Know no one
- Frustration abound

Victoria:
- Could slip back into the job at UVic in the blink of eye (thanks to union seniority) at $14+/hour
- I have a support network there
- Could transfer to a Starbucks there
- Live on my own

I realize this list seems cursory, and it is. But at this point, I don't know what feels right anymore. I can remember a time when Nanaimo felt right.

Linds, your the Virgo... any advice?

I am done with the emotional rollercoaster for now. I need to knuckle down and get some schoolwork done. But I just needed to put this all out there.

And be reminded of the important people that step into my life and change it.

hello from the backroom

2009-02-10T10:41:00.001-08:00

It's true, for those of you who need proof... I have become a Starbucks boy. The only one at my store, actually. All that high-up and heavy stuff on the shelves? That's why I'm there...

interior

2009-02-02T16:09:00.001-08:00

I spent this past weekend doing very little. Naturally, there was some beer at the pub on Friday. And then a movie... and then pizza... and more beer. Then the remembering that I worked at 8am on Saturday morning. I slogged my way into work, and then I moved on with the day. A one hour nap turned into a two hour nap... which turned into a groggy evening at home for Dave.

Sunday saw me doing errandy-type stuff, reading for class, and getting Chris from the ferry terminal. All told, it was a very quiet and low-key weekend. I also considered reorganizing my room yesterday, but I will have to see how the week progresses before I expend any energy on
that particular department.

I have also spent a significant portion of the weekend (and indeed, the last few weeks) speaking with a particular individual, a person who makes me feel really good about myself. I hope that I have the same effect on them as well. I have been "juggling" how that makes me feel, and I continue to juggle it. It is not a bad thing, by any means... just new territory for me to navigate, emotionally speaking. You know who you are, and I know you are reading this, and I just hope
that it makes sense. I used to censor my blog - but that was one of my promises I made to myself when I re-started the blog a few months ago, to no longer censor myself to match my potential audience.

In any case, I have schoolwork left to do, and the parents are coming to visit this afternoon, gonna take Chris and I out for dinner, so I should get cracking!

weekend bonus!

2009-01-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

I just learned that not only do I get to see Lindsay this weekend, I get to see Claire too!

SUPER BONUS!

Has there EVER been a stair gang reunion of this size on the lower mainland? What will transpire?

I will have to put on my Assistant Dean of Nerdiness cap and figure something out...

vancouver

2009-01-23T11:25:00.000-08:00

It's been almost a week since I posted. Geez! I need to work on that...

I got up early this morning, and went to Vancouver. Nice, leisurely and beautiful sailing across the straits, and a nice calm bus ride into downtown Vancouver. It is eerily beautiful here right now - all the highrises are swarthed in a misty heavy fog, but the sun is streaming through in these immensely powerful shafts of light. I have dropped my bags at Linds' office (thanks for the Bag Check service Linds!) and am just sitting in a Starbucks (surprise surprise) enjoying my Grande with-room Americano. Now, anywhere I go, I pretty much look for a Starbucks; after all, it keeps my expenses down!

This 'Bucks is in the basement of one of the Bentall Centre towers, Bentall IV I believe. These buildings are the definition of International-style hideousness on the outside, but their retail areas in the basements have been given a tidy makeover over the last few years. But I experienced something interesting on my way down here today.

There is a woman cleaning the escalators. It is a job I never even thought of. She has been cleaning them for twenty minutes. I continue to watch her clean, and continue to watch the general public pretend she isn't there. The escalators are quite narrow, and she just sits down with her feather duster on the balustrade between the up/down sides, wiping finger prints and scuffs off the side panels. People cannot walk past her (and there are wont to do in Vancouver), so they just stand right behind her squat form, checking their watch or consulting their Blackberries (Bentall is like financial centre. Each of the towers is a bank. I am under the TD Canada Trust, RBC is across the street).

I am not meaning to say that these people are deliberately ignoring her, but perhaps they are as shocked as I am at the very presence of an escalator cleaning woman. I guess it is something that happens all over the world, and a clean escalator is something that we ALL take for granted. Do you ever have those moments where you are surprised and learn something new, even though it is completely and utterly logical?

productivity

2009-01-17T12:15:00.000-08:00

Today is going to be a productive day. I have decided. It is beautiful out - the sun is shining, there is hoar frost all over the place, and it is day that demands I go outside. Gonna get me some fresh air!

And run some errands... groceries, finally get all my prescriptions transferred, get a list of doctors who are accepting new patients, get some pants hemmed. It's gonna be a good day.

And, I am bringing my camera... perhaps I will get some photos taken. I've got a bit of an itch!

change of plans

2009-01-15T14:20:00.000-08:00

Is defeatedly optimistic a feeling?

I sat down this morning and did my budget for this semester. Due to the semester from hell, my student loans have gone to keeping creditors off my back. That leaves not a lot of money for other things, like groceries.

So basically, I can't actually afford to keep the four-course course load I have planned. So, I am dropping one more course, which leaves me with three. Believe me, I am not thrilled with the idea, but at the same time, it is simply a reality.

With all of the changes in my life since 2004, forth and back with different life goals, I have assumed the responsibilities of a life after education before having an education. My monthly expenses at the moment make it difficult to pay the car payment, pay the VISAs, pay the phone bill, rent, etc. So I just need to scale back my plans.

I am glad that I sat down and figured this out. I refuse to put myself through what I did this past semester. However, I will not give up on my plan. I will just soldier on, and learn new things and experience things I want to do along the way.

Here is to an amended 2009!

falling apart

2009-01-11T13:03:00.000-08:00

So nothing can ever be right in my life, or at least it seems like that sometimes.

The air up here is SO dry and it is absolutely wreaking havoc on my skin. And I am allergic to every single cleaner at Starbucks, and my arms are SO FREAKING DRY AND ITCHY and I scratch them in my sleep and I just cannot heal! My hair is practically crispy, the dandruff I used to have growing up has reasserted itself, AND my eczema refuses to cooperate. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

So as I flake, scratch, and crumble into non-existance, I am slowly going crazy trying not to scratch.

Dave's meme

2009-01-05T09:17:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I thought it was MY turn to start something.

And I don't even know if this is a meme, or perhaps just a challenge.

I want everyone to locate the song that most encapsulates how they have been feeling of late. Don't analyze, just pick the song that you have been listening to, or deriving pleasure from, etc.

Find it YouTube, and put it on your blog. It doesn't have to be the music video for the song, I am more interested in the lyrics. As evidenced by my selection below, sometimes you just can't find the video.

My song is "I'm on Standby" by Grandaddy.

where the hell?

2009-01-05T08:54:00.000-08:00

I know everyone has likely already seen this video, but I stumbled across it again today. "Where the hell is Matt?" is such a good video, and is designed to pull at the heartstrings. Don't get me wrong, it tugs at mine too (and thanks to my media studies courses, I have better understanding of why... it's the music.)

Anyways, in rewatching it, I realize that it does have a larger meaning or subtext - basically, that regardless of nationality, political allegiances, language barriers, etc that we can all dance. Or in truer terms, that regardless of where we are, we are all human beings. I think that is something that well forget from time to time. I can think of a few world leaders who could watch this...

So for those who haven't seen it yet, or simply want to rewatch it, here it is.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T11:19:00.001-08:00

A yank on your ear for the first of the year!

Happy New Year everyone!

end of the year musings

2008-12-31T11:26:00.000-08:00

So here we stand on the cusp of a new year, and along with many, I am sure that I cannot put 2008 behind me fast enough. Not in a "throw it all away and forget it ever happened" way, but in a "I am done with that now" way. We can only grow from our experiences, and as the old cliche goes, whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I am excited for 2009, for fairly mundane reasons:

I am reducing my course load and taking longer to finish. Not by much, just an extra semester, but I cannot maintain the stress levels that I had last semester, and in fact, all of last year.
I am going to do fun things, but not things that cost me a lot of money, cause there won't be a lot of that. But there will be more Dave-time.
I will resume the hunt for someone to spend time with - loneliness is even harder to deal with when you have had someone special and no longer do. That being said, not rushing into anything, just keeping my eyes open.
I will endeavour to disconnect further from the machinations of my family. I love them all dearly, but I simply cannot emotionally invest myself in their lives any longer.
I will read more extra-curricular books.
I will sleep more.

This year saw a lot of bad, and unfortunately, I recall writing a similar post in 2007. 2007 was a scary year for health, and 2008 was a scary year for my sanity. But there was a lot of good in 2008 as well, which is a fact I must be cognizant of in the coming months.

So let's all raise a glass, to 2009, to a new beginning, to the shedding of the old, and to good times ahead!

And, for those of you who need a chuckle this new year's eve...

Meme again

2008-12-30T23:21:00.000-08:00

Alright, Linds, you tagged me...

7 random facts about Dave?

Okay, here we go...

1. My hairline is rapidly receding, even more so over the last 4 months.

2. I have a single birthmark, 3 inches below my bellybutton. It is a perfect little circle, about the size of a pencil eraser. Very few get to see it...

3.I fight constantly with the 'fight or flight' instinct, and worry in stressful situations that the 'grass is always greener' leaps to mind too quickly.

4. I wish I had manlier arms with manly arm hair. Weird, I know.

5. My right foot is larger than my left one.

6. Like Linds, I too am an OCD Virgo. I know that if Lindsay was visiting me and looking for something, I could say "in that pile over there" while gesturing at multiple piles, and she would know which one. My desk at work, it MUST be tidy. Everything in its place. Home life... not so much.

7. I don't know what I will be doing in 14 months, and am choosing not to think about it!

I don't have any readers to tag...

Merry Christmas All!

2008-12-24T19:51:00.000-08:00

I was worried that in all the hustle and bustle that I would forget to say this, so here you go:

To all, a very Merry Christmas. Have fun with family, friends and loved ones over this special time.

And all my best wishes for 2009 may it bring you happiness, love and laughter, good health and prosperity.

With everything that I have to offer!

I'm out.

christmas eve eve

2008-12-23T21:28:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to post, cause I felt like I should.

I have been busy working, and am now in Victoria getting ready for Christmas. Looking forward to all the relaxing and Christmas times...

Happy Christmas Eve Eve!

luck

2008-12-16T00:10:00.000-08:00

I am lucky, in all the best and most meaningful ways.

I just needed to say it, and to see it, in order to feel it.

I hope that all I touch feel the same way too.

paper

2008-12-15T23:04:00.001-08:00

So, the horrible paper that I had to write, and had an impossible time writing, and I thought was a sack of garbage...

Well, I got it back today, and it was an A-.

I guess I can do better than I thought...

and I'm out.

meme

2008-12-13T13:26:00.000-08:00

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the "next" button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

-IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Let's Go

-WHAT WOULD DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Symphony No.5 in D minor op.47 III. Largo
(this is a very dark piece of music)

-WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Don't Worry

-HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Cha Cha Cha D'Amour

-WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Strangers

-WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Amazing Life

-WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
O Come All Ye Faithful

-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
You Should Be Dancing

-WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Light Magic

-HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
Mission: Impossible (Remix)
(Ummm... dammit?)

-WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Virgo

-WHAT IS 2+2?
Footprints

-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Come from a Land Downunder

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Was Your Face a Head in the Pillow Case?

-WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Brooklyn Roads

-WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Birdsong

-WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Want a New Duck

-WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Cry

-WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Trepak

-WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Señorita

-WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra

-WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Lifes Full o'Consequence

-WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Suspended in Time

-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

christmas music

2008-12-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

I read an interesting article on the CBC's website about the worst Christmas singles of all time. I found it interesting, because in the comments there were a lot of people who were upset about the distinction between CAROLS and SONGS.

I have an appreciation for both. I enjoy the popular singles, most of which date from the 40s onward, to the traditional carols. I don't think that we need to have a clear separation - there aren't two camps to belong to. Pink Martini doing "Do You Hear What I Hear?" is just as good as "Once in Royal David's City" by the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields.

I just feel like at this time of year, people get caught up in the hype for sure, but that there is a hype to the hype. It is almost cool to hate Christmas. Me, I enjoy it. It's a nice break to life, and it means seeing people I want to see and miss dearly, good food, cozy rooms, fireplaces, baking, and watching the mailbox for Christmas cards (which reminds me... I should get on top of mine). Personally, I like looking at other people's trees as well - each ornament usually has a story or some significant meaning attached to it.

Everyone just relax and enjoy the season, regardless of the reason.

procrastimating

2008-12-08T20:16:00.001-08:00

I got caught up this stupid survey stuff... why am I so gullible.

100. Do you want to be in a relationship? Longingly, but I recognize it needs to be with the right person, not just for its own sake.

99. Do you have a job? I have two jobs. I am a barista at Starbucks, and a Student Project Assistant in the Office of the President at Vancouver Island University.

98. Last 2 cars you were in/ with who? 1) Today, Honda Accord, with my brother in law. 2) the day before, in Andrew's Jeep TJ. Nicest guy ever... turns around and will drive me up the hill to school, even though he was going the opposite direction.

96. Lied in the last 24 hours? Yes. On an exam. Don't worry, I didn't plagiarize.

95. What is your current ring tone? Standard telephone noises.

94. What is the last movie you watched and with who? Running with Scissors, with a bottle of wine and popcorn.

93. Who makes you mad? A great number of people. I tend to repress it and dismiss it though.

92. What is your middle name? Michael James

91. Last text you sent/received? This afternoon.

89. What time did you wake up this morning? 7am

88. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes.

87. What are you doing? Procrastinating, and studying. In that order.

86. When's your birthday? September 1st

85. Does it bug you when people delete questions from surveys? Never really noticed...

84. Are you afraid of growing old? It happens.

83. Are you happy right now? Life is what it is, and I can only change so much.

82. What is sitting to your right? My bed.

81. What is your favorite sport to watch? Olympic Hockey

80. Do you have any kids? No.

79. Do you have a favorite stuffed animal? Yes, but he's in a box at my parents.

78. Did you go trick-or-treating this year & with who? Nope.

77. Do you know who Mr. Mistoffelees is? I know who Mephistopheles from Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe is, although I doubt that is the answer sought...

76. What song are you listening to? Just Like Christmas - Low

75. Do you sing in the shower? Rarely.

74. Can you Crank Dat? Clearly.

73. Did you have a valentine this year? Kinda. Met my most recent ex-boyfriend on Valentines.

72. Last time you listened to country music? In a rental car.

71. What do you think of the song Boom, boom, boom by Vengaboys? Never loved it, but it can make cleaning tasks go pretty quickly.

70. Do you laugh at your own jokes? Most of the time.

69. Where do you want to live when you grow up? This question is far to existential for me at the moment.

68. How tall are you? 5'10"

67. How many drugs are in your system? Caffeine, and lots of it.

65. What are you wearing? Jeans, my "I'm a Mac" tshirt, black socks, slippers, and my H&M blck hoodie.

64. Last person to comment you? Debra.

63. Do you sing? Ever been in the car with me?

61. Rock or Rap? Neither.

60. Do you like cheese? Love it.

59. Who called you last? Vancouver 2010 Volunteer Information Centre.

58. Last item you purchased? Greyhound bus ticket.

57. What jewelry do you wear constantly? Nothing.

56. Are you a crazy person? Ask Lindsay.

55. Who was the last person you hugged ? Ummm... Ella.

54. What candidate do you support running for president? I pass on this, for obvious reasons.

53. Are you a fast typer? Average, high end of average. Being a Data Clerk helped.

52. What time is it? 8:37pm

51. What do you smell? Chocolate. From the brownie I just ate.

50. Is anything bothering you right now? The list is too long.

48. What are you doing today/tomorrow? Exam in the morning, work in the afternoon, studying in the evening.

47. What's your favorite subject in school? Media Studies.

46. What's your worst grade that you currently have & what subject is it in? C+ in Victorian Literature.

45. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? Any reason to celebrate.

44. If you died right now, is there something you'd want to say to someone? Of course.

43. How many friends do you have on myspace? PFT! Who uses myspace? I have 223 on Facebook.

42. Who's one person you cannot stand? Katie.

41. What's your opinion on same sex marriage? Do you really need to ask ME this question?

40. Do you miss anyone right now? Yes.

39. What foreign language do/did you study? German.

38 . Does it take a lot to earn someone's trust? I think it is an organic process that happens differently for all.

36. Describe your life in two words? Stress, alternate-thought.

34. What shampoo do you use? Tresemme, Tresemme, oo-la-la!

33. What do you want right now? Time off, free of thought and commitment.

32. Jeans or sweatpants? Jeans

31. What should you be doing? Certainly not this survey.

29. Do you have socks on? Yes I do. I hate cold feet...

28. Do you own sunglasses? Nope. I don't like them, but I should get a pair out of necessity.

27. Have you ever cried so hard, you made yourself sick? Just to the edge of getting sick.

26. Do you like techno? It depends...

25. Do you get nervous in front of large groups of people? Nope!

24. What was your kindergarten teacher's name? Dr. Whitely

23. Plans for Saturday? Some latte slingin' at S'Bux.

19. Favorite TV shows: Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, The Simpsons, Family Guy

18. Do you like '80s movies? Sometimes, but sometimes they are so fucking pretentious in their 80s-ness.

17. Do you like "The Goonies"? Yes, but not obsessively.

16. What's your favorite food? Chicken strips on rice with ranch dip.

14. Last thing you ate? A brownie.

13. Current problem? Too many to list here. Getting through the next 4 days?

12. Been to London? Technically, twice.

11. Can you lick your toe? No, and I don't want to.

10. Who's the most photogenic person you ever seen ? Joanna Daley.

9. Been to college? University. Still there.

8. Ever been given a breathalyser test? No. I don't drink and drive.

7. Favorite time of day? Clear dawns.

6. Ever licked someone's cheek? Embarassingly, yes.

5. What are you looking forward to? Sunday - Liz is coming for the holidays.

4. Have you ever ran from the police? No.

3. Ever gotten lost in the dark? Yes. It is a discomfiting sensation.

2. What do you think of the last person who posted this? Fun and quirky, and far away.

1. Are you wanting something you can't have? Don't we all? But I know my limits...

song?

2008-12-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

This was on the other day, and I have decided that it is the soundtrack of the circus of my life over the past 6 months...

We all gotta laugh.

friday night

2008-12-05T22:15:00.000-08:00

I handed in my shorter paper, and wrote the final exam for my literary theory course.

The worst of it is behind me.

Tonight, I am watching a movie and enjoying a bottle of wine. Tomorrow, I have to work all day... then another short paper. And then... four back to back exams. Then it is over.

But the end is in sight.

Also, after much handholding and doing-their-work-for-them, StudentAid BC has decided that I do qualify for funding for the current semester... they didn't realize that before being in school, I was making student loan payments. Oh, and they claimed they didn't know that I had cashed out my pension, despite the two letters that specifically mention it.

SIGH.

But, I have some money coming.

Slowly, surely, and steadfastly, things are happening.

curve ball

2008-12-03T14:36:00.000-08:00

I'm not atheletic. Everyone knows it. Throw me your car keys? I'll drop them on the floor... If you are lucky, in my dramatic flail to catch them, I will knock something over or break a precious item.

But I am getting better.

The universe threw me another curve ball today. I kicked, I yelled (more like roared) and then I broke down and I cried. A lot.

StudentAid BC denied my application for funding for the current semester. I have funding for next semester, but I have decimated myself financially to make it through this semester. The reason for denying me funding? I earned too much prior to studying. But wait, look at the numbers.

$10,000 reported net income, and they want me to save $7762 of that. How, I ask you?

So I appealed the decision. I have already been through one special appeal to get the value of my car waived - they viewed it as an asset, even though it is a liability, and due to the way it was financed, I am contractually forbidden to sell it until I have paid for it. Anyways, they waived the car, great. They refuse to adjust my expected contribution. Why?

THEY THINK I AM GOING TO USE IT TO RUN MY VEHICLE.

The vehicle that is parked, uninsured in Victoria. A fact that they are aware of.

Sorry StudentAid, but here is a list of things that have to be taken care of before I even dream of operating my car again.

1. Monthly Car Payment
2. Rent
3. Food
4. The $600 for books and school supplies I owe my family.
5. The $300 I owe my brother-in-law, who has been buying my groceries.
6. The $402 I owe Bell for my cell phone bill, due by December 25 (Merry Christmas)
7. The $450 I owe Desjardin credit for my suspended VISA card.

I have destroyed myself financially, liquidating my pension and mutual funds to get as far as I have in this semester. I am working two part-time jobs, equalling about 25-30 hours/week in addition to my course load.

I think that I have juggled bills, and have real demonstrated need. But alas, due to the arbitrary decision on the part of StudentAid BC (the all-caps phrase above is a direct quote from the email that notified me), I am fucked.

So next semester, I will take the $2600 they have offered, pay my tuition, and use the balance to try and repair the damage from this term. I will take only three courses, and work as much as I can in order to get back on the horse, and try and finish part-time.

Long term goal? Right now, it feels like I need to get out of BC. We'll see.

Things I have lost today: I won't be able to volunteer at the Olympics, my financial security, and a few tears.

Things I have gained today: The life lesson that sometimes, it feels like you shouldn't even try. But when that happens, fight back or fight different.

Thank goodness I only have $13 to my name, or I might be tempted to drink... actually, I'm tempted, but, you know. Rice and beans first!

So there you go... how to juggle a curve ball.

I'm out.

'tis the end

2008-12-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

It's the end of classes, or rather it was yesterday.

I have most of today to work on that paper (and have to finish it actually), and then tomorrow I have another shorter paper...

So here goes!

Pinch and punch

2008-12-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

A pinch and punch for the first of the month.

After my miserable failure last night, I went to bed and set my alarm (3 of them actually) for a 6am start to my day. All three alarms were not accessible from bed... I had to get out of bed to deal with them.

Come 8am, I woke up. All three alarms were off.

WTF is wrong with me? How the hell did I manage to turn off 3 separate alarms?

Now, I am extra fucked with a side of OMFG.

11:11pm

2008-11-30T23:10:00.000-08:00

So I didn't manage it. Despite all my efforts (which were really in vain) I have lost an entire free day for paper-writing, and a 5-hour shift, all in the name of getting nothing done.

I have 2 pages of notes, on 3 of my 4 theorists. No thesis, no paper.

Dave is officially broken.

Can anyone tell me what's next?

One more time...

2008-11-30T17:20:00.000-08:00

This is my attempt at clearing my mind so I can get going on the aforementioned stalled research paper.

Things that are happening this week:

Sunday: Literary Theory Paper (2500 words).
Monday: 3 classes, Media Studies Short Paper (750 words), Victorian Lit Paper (1000 words), Starbucks 5:45-10:45pm
Tuesday: Literary Theory Paper Research Binder, Starbucks 5:45-10:45pm, StudentAid BC Appeal Committee considers my appeal.
Wednesday: Starbucks 5:45pm-10:45pm
Thursday: NOTHING
Friday: Literary Theory Exam 9am, work at VIU for four hours in afternoon.
Saturday: Starbucks 7-3:15pm

How to write my paper:

1. Separate your four theorists.
2. Re-read assigned excerpts for each and annotate.
3. Peruse library books for back up.
4. Make connections.
5. Develop thesis.
6. Write.

There, now that I have compartmentalized it somewhat, maybe I can get something done.

someone help me

2008-11-30T14:11:00.000-08:00

I am really starting to seriously think that there is something wrong with me. Some of you who know me know that I had an exceedingly rough few days over the last couple of weeks, and I feel like it has sucked all the resolve out of me. I simply can't give anything more.

The timing is terrible. It's the end of classes, and I have 2500 word paper due tomorrow... but I can't seem to work on it. I have been in the library for the last two and a half hours: I have three points, and have read an introduction, and taken some books out on speck. I am having to skip work tonight, but I just don't know where I can get the energy and ideas for this paper. And the stupid thing is, it is the last paper of the term - if I can just get over this last little hump, soon it will be exams and I can take some well-deserved mental time off over the Christmas holidays.

Does anyone have any ideas? Anyone want to write me a paper?

I'll just continue staring off into the fog until the library closes...

Meme (as per Lindsay)

2008-11-23T21:47:00.000-08:00

Alright Linds, you tagged me. But I cheated. My photographic skills are nowhere near as good as yours... so I did the sixth picture of each year, going back to 2005.

Click here for 2005. This was the roadtrip.

This is 2006. The view from the bench at UVIC where friends and I would congregate between classes.

2007 brings a picture of Louis the Pug, Liz and Chris' dog.

And 2008 found me walking in the snow.

Alright, pass judgement in the comment field below!

wandering

2008-08-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am drifting a bit. My things are packed, the move is over (for the most part) and the farewells have begun.

Lots to do. The countdown has begun.

Fresh blog

2008-08-07T20:41:00.000-07:00

I promised everyone a blog re-start awhile ago, then I got lazy. Please bear with me while I ease myself back into blogging.

So here I am. I am packing for my move back to Nanaimo, the majority of which is happening tomorrow morning. It is very difficult to PACK when you know that you have to live in the place for another three weeks... I kinda need to pack for a three week holiday, then pack what is left after that to go to Nanaimo...

Full of mixed emotions. The end is near for me here, and this feel more, well, permanent than my last myriad of life changes. It just feels very final. I have so much to do in the next 3 weeks, and so much stress in life, and I am starting to feel like I can't cope - a sure sign of needing to move on into something else.

Anyways, I cannot spend too much time on this entry - I need to get going on packing. The 26-foot UHaul beckons. And tomorrow, I bid the dwelling below good bye!

Paris Day Ten

2008-05-26T18:39:00.001-07:00

Paris Day Nine

2008-05-26T18:38:00.003-07:00

Pontorson/Caen/Normandy Day Eight

2008-05-26T18:38:00.001-07:00

Pontorson Day Seven

2008-05-26T18:37:00.004-07:00

Paris Day Six

2008-05-26T18:37:00.003-07:00

Paris Day Five

2008-05-26T18:37:00.001-07:00

Paris Day Four

2008-05-26T18:36:00.003-07:00

Paris Day Three

2008-05-26T18:36:00.001-07:00

Paris Day Two

2008-05-26T18:35:00.000-07:00

Paris Day One

2008-05-25T20:38:00.001-07:00

whirlwind

2008-02-21T16:52:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is going to be a whirlwind... I have advising appointments at UVic and UBC, 5 hours apart... god bless a free flight to Vancouver! Then downtown to see if the SFU campus downtown has any material that might be of use to me, and then... phew!

Ah ha ha ha ha!!!! *insert maniacal laughter here*

humpf

2008-02-16T10:13:00.001-08:00

Just entering one of my usual existential crises here.

Feeling a bit adrift, lonely, poor, and unsure.

Perhaps good cup of coffee and a chin wag with a friend in the fresh air will help? It is my favourite kind of day today... moody and gray, but bright, with a freshness to the air.

2008-02-14T16:53:00.001-08:00

So, I am bored out of my tree, and decided to see what my soundtrack would be in Round 2. Here are the results:

Opening Credits: I'm Always Chasing Rainbows - Judy Garland

Waking Up: The World is Not Enough - Garbage

First Day At School: First Day of School - Phillip Glass

Falling In Love: Guinness Song - Irish Drinking Songs

Fight Song: Ev'rything I've Got - Chick Corea

Breaking Up: Sun Child - The Vines

Prom: The Body Says No - The New Pornographers

Life: Everybody's Born to Die - Electric Light Orchestra

Mental breakdown: Forbidden Love - Madonna

Driving: Close Every Door - Andrew Lloyd Weber

Flashback: Do What You Gotta Do - Nina Simone

Getting back together: You'd Be So Easy to Love - Frank Sinatra

Love Scene: I'm Alive - Electric Light Orchestra

Wedding: Swallowed in the Sea - Coldplay

Birth of Child: I Can't Be With You - The Cranberries

Final Battle: The Dark of the Matinee - Franz Ferdinand

Death Scene: Fix You - Coldplay

Funeral Song: I Wanna a Little Sugar in My Bowl - Nina Simone

End Credits: 'S Wonderful - Diana Krall

another survey

2008-02-04T21:44:00.000-08:00

I've never seen this, so I thought I would try it out.

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

Opening Credits: Feelin' Good - Nina Simone

Waking Up: An American in Paris - George Gershwin (kind of fitting)

First Day At School: A Fifth of Beethoven - Walter Murphy

Falling In Love: I Only Have Eyes for You - Oscar Peterson (also fitting...hmmm)

Fight Song: Dindi - Antonio Carlos Jobim/Astrud Gilberto (not at all fitting)

Breaking Up: Haydn - Nikolaimesse (the trend is collapsing further)

Prom: I Feel Pretty - West Side Story (I feel pretty, and witty, and gay!!!!)

Life: Big Girls Don't Cry - Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

Mental breakdown: Light Cavalry Overture - Suppe

Driving: Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers

Flashback: Volcano - Damien Rice

Getting back together: Any Dream Will Do - Andrew Lloyd Weber (what the hell am I supposed to get from this?)

Love Scene: Night in the City - Electric Light Orchestra

Wedding: Suite in D, Overture - Telemann (If I were having a princess wedding)

Birth of Child: Dreaming My Dreams - The Cranberries

Final Battle: You Wouldn't Like Me - Tegan and Sara

Death Scene: The Bones of an Idol - The New Pornographers

Funeral Song: Chim Chim Cher-ee - Mary Poppins (ummm...)

End Credits: Wake Up - The Arcade Fire

+++

God only know how (in)accurate this is...

feeling good

2008-02-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

It is a beautiful day here in Victoria. I went to Starbucks, got me an Americano, and am just about to go for lunch with Hannah. The weather is going to be one of those West Coast days, but whatever!

I had a rough week, but I really feel like today is the start of something good. I am in a very good moods despite being tired (rare for me, as the two never go hand in hand), and I am looking forward to the day. Haircut, lunch with friends, hanging out with Adriane after her LSAT exams... It's gonna be good.

That, and I am feeling slightly goofy today. I hope the people in the old folks home behind me don't wonder about the sanity of the guy dancing alone in his apartment!

omnibus update

2008-01-27T11:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a month, so I going to try to cover off on the big stuff. If you know about it, great, if not, consider yourself newly in the know!

Had an alright Christmas. I had the 25 & 26 off, and worked the rest of the week. You can put the fact that I work in quotations, as all the bosses were away, so the mice did play so to speak. Not much was accomplished. Over the Christmas holiday I made some decisions though - I am not at school right now. I had been kind of leaning that way anyways, but when Lindsay took the plunge, it made me think about it again. I haven't stopped my degree, but I will not be attending at UVic anymore. Working full time and trying to finish a degree there is almost impossible. The Gardens are being very flexible with my schedule, but unfortunately the English department offers almost nothing in the evening.

So I am taking the semester off, then transferring my credits to Thompson Rivers and finishing by distance education. I know I had a bad run with that in the past, but I figure I am much more mature now, and this is actually something I want to do. And let me tell you, taking this semester off has been a great idea. I do what I want, when I want. I read books when I want to. I don't have to juggle things. I think that 2007 was incredibly trying (I actually know that it was), and that perhaps I was pushing myself too hard. 2007 saw a lot of good, but it also saw a lot of stress. The cancer scare, followed by the medical things, stress about my car, buying a new car, getting myself rear-ended, ongoing medical treatments, surgery, then an extended recovery, a course I hated, breaking up with Eric, getting my wisdom teeth out... it was all a bit too much. I am calling this my sanity-semester!

In the exciting news category, I am off to Paris to visit Ella. I am very excited about this. Air Canada had a seat sale, and I got return tickets from Victoria to Paris for $1000. A great deal. I leave in April, and am spending 10 days there. Ella and I might go to the south coast of France, or Monacco for a weekend, we'll see how the $$$ work out, or shall I say how the the €€€ work out? In any case, I am very excited about that. I will bring you all a corny gift!

I am thinking about moving - this apartment is just about finished for me. I desperately desperately want a kitchen! You know how much I love to cook... and this is just not working. I buy food to cook, and get so frustrated that I don't cook, and then I end up wasting a lot of food, and spending even more money buying lunch at work and eating out at night.

But now, it is a new year (has been for almost a month) and new things are going to happen!

nothing to do

2007-12-15T17:25:00.000-08:00

And it is a good thing...

I am up in Nanaimo, have been since Wednesday night. I am having an excellent time doing absolutely nothing at all. After the last few months, this has been a welcome respite. Because of my various health issues, and the fact that Liz and Chris' town house flooded out in September, I haven't had much of an opportunity to visit with them, so I have been happy to be here. We've watched movies, drank wine, and are heading out to the pub tonight with a bunch of people. Good times had by all!

I am feeling a lot better about myself in the last few days than I have been. Just taking things in stride. My mouth feels tonnes better now after the wisdom teeth, and my persistent, constant headaches are gone. It's a good thing. And I have a lot of fun to look forward to tomorrow. Drinks & a Christmas soiree at a coworker's house, and then off for a Christmas movie night with friends. Then back to work on Monday. My friends are destressing now that exams are winding down, so my social calendar is getting quite busy.

Here's to fun times in the coming days!

how green is my life?

2007-12-10T20:39:00.000-08:00

Claire's recent post about the green-ness of her workplace made me think about how green I am at work, and how green I am in general. The thinking process was good, the result was bad:

UNGREEN

- I print numerous emails, and hang on to the digital copy as well. My manager is a "paper person" so there is no way around this.
- My water at lunch is always served in a styrofoam cup.
- The pitcher of water that is kept in the fridge tastes bad, so I get mine from the tap... I run the tap for about 45 seconds before it is cold. That, I can fix.
- My printer frequently malfunctions, spewing sheets of paper and envelopes with one single character on them.
- I drive 32kms to work in my car alone, then another 32kms back at the end of the day.
- I specifically use an incandescent desk lamp - the fluorescents hurt my eyes.
- I pack my lunch in a plastic bag every day, and throw it away when I am done.
- I use two caustic chemicals in my bathroom - the biodegradable ones don't work well enough, and I am lazy, so I use the nasty stuff instead.

GREEN

- When shopping for a new car for my 64km/daily commute, I got the most fuel efficient car I could afford.
- I do all of my errands on the way to/from work, so that I am combining trips.
- I signed up for SPUD.ca to have vegetables delivered to my door every week in a reusable container. The veggies all come from with 800kms of here, so they are relatively local.
- I use biodegradable cleaners when I can.
- My lights at home are all low-energy fixtures.
- I only launder once a week, and only with full loads, and a biodegradable soap.
- I try not to buy individually-packaged things like yogurt.
- I am very conscientious of recycling. Paper, plastic, glass, all that is recycled, both at home and at work.
- I take short showers.

I am sure that this is nowhere near a comprehensive list. I know there I things that I have forgotten from both sides. I applaud any and all efforts to minimize ones impact on the earth.

And Claire, as far as New Year's Resolutions go, I applaud that you make any, even if you do feel like you do not accomplish them. I don't even try. Maybe I'll see what I can do this year. Maybe 2008 will be different.

and I'm out.

weekend of social

2007-12-09T21:40:00.000-08:00

whew! Big weekend! So much happening, now I am tired. I'm having breakfast for dinner... yum.

Sat: Computer lab working, then off to see "Glorious!" at the Belfry with Liz. It was an amazing play. So funny, and very well executed. Look it up. I love going to the theatre, and I haven't seen Liz since September, so it was nice. After that, off to Cheryl's house for a Christmas get-together. I had a lot of fun, and I am sure everyone else did too. The potluck was great.

Sun: Slept in, then went a Christmas party at a co-workers house, and that was a great time. One of his guests is a professional chef, and he did the food, so it was all amazing! And the drinks just didn't stop coming. I met a lot of people, and had a lot of great conversations. Then I was off to the lab for more work.

And here I am, at home now, realizing the weekend has drawn to a close, and it was good.

I'm out.

omelette

2007-12-04T22:35:00.001-08:00

Went work today, and finished prepping all the Christmas cards that we have to send out. No small task, let me tell you. 368 cards, with varying quantities being signed by up to seven different individuals. Hundreds of envelopes printed. Most of the cards are signed, so I can start sending them out tomorrow. But before they can get mailed, they have to folded and stuffed into their envelopes, then sorted as domestic, US, or International for postal reasons. AHHH!!!!

In other news, I ate my first semi-solid food that required chewing. Best omelette ever, with little chopped up, pre-cooked veggies in it. It was yummy in my tummy. However, I have started to develop a dry socket (no pain) so I have a dressing that tastes likes cloves. All the time. All day. Every hour. Cloves. I am already sick of it.

Wrote my final, it went okay, but as per my previous post, I don't really care. I bought some Christmas lights today, and put them up in my apartment. And I have also busted out the Christmas music. 'Tis the season!

puffy face and funny colours

2007-12-03T22:48:00.000-08:00

I went back to work today. Man, this fall has been an absolute whirlwind. I am most definitely looking forward to the end of 2007! That being said, don't wish your life away, right?

Last Wednesday, I had my wisdom teeth removed. I only had three to begin with, so I guess I got off 'easy.' No dry socket, and an amazing doctor to do the procedure. I just have to say, thank god for extended health benefits, or I would still be trying to dig up the roughly $1,300 this procedure will cost! What are you supposed to do if you don't have money, EHB, and your wisdom teeth are causing you pain? Answer me THAT, healthcare system.

The procedure went okay. For the first time though, coming out of a general anesthetic, I was very disoriented, and had a mild panic attack. I calmed down after a few minutes, but I am man enough to admit that I was bawling when I woke up. I was confused, in pain (until the put something in my IV), and all of the events of the past few exciting months just seemed to sort of pile on me all at once, and I lost it. Had a good cry, talked to a very sympathetic nurse, and then went home. I feel so much better for having had these teeth out though, both mentally and physically. Having them out has been weighing over me for about 2 years now, and it feels good to have it behind me. Not to mention, my persistent headache... is gone. And, since my diet is restricted, I have already lost 5 pounds! That being said, my kingdom for chicken strips right now. I am tired of canned/pureed goods. Hopefully at my follow up tomorrow I will get some more advice re: diet.

I am writing my one and only final tomorrow. Then, this horrible course that I have been hating will be OVER! For good. I still don't know any of my grades in the course at all, and frankly, I don't care either. Que sera sera!

Anyways, to bed with me. It is late, and I have a lot to do tomorrow!

And a quick welcome back to Claire. It's nice to have another blogger re-born to join us.

Christmas Party

2007-11-25T11:27:00.000-08:00

Went to the Butchart Christmas Gala last night. Had a good time. However, this is the first gala where I haven't danced. Not one dance. I felt weird, and kind of old...

Many thanks to Hannah for the companionship!

Pictures below:

when will it stop?

2007-11-24T08:16:00.000-08:00

My god, this has been quite the stretch.

Sat down for lunch yesterday, having bought myself a chicken caesar wrap, and a bowl of soup. I took a couple of bites of the wrap, then ate my soup. Went to continue with the wrap, and out of the corner of my eye, saw some pink. I thought "gee, that is some awfully pink chicken" then realized that I was currently devouring a shrimp wrap. Not good for me at all.

I threw the wrap down on my plate, told my co-workers to give the cafeteria heck, and called emergency first aid. I spent an hour in first aid, had a mild reaction (instead of anaphylaxis), and went back to work, so drugged I could barely stay awake.

How did I get a shrimp wrap, you ask? They were wrapped in exactly the same tortilla as the chicken, and on the same shelf where the chicken wraps have been for the last 2.5 years! The girls in the cafeteria gave the kitchen heck, and the kitchen said "We told you there were some shrimp ones in there with the chicken." Not good enough. No labelling, absolutely no indication that these wraps were different at all. They should have been cut in half so it was completely clear what was inside them.

While I was in first aid, one of my co-workers told the director of Food Services what had happened, and his response was "If it would happen to anyone, it would happen to Dave." I then saw him myself on two separate occasions later that afternoon. Not one "I'm sorry" or "How are you feeling?" or "That was awful!" It was business as usual.

This is the second time an unlabelled substitution has caused me grief... On Monday, I am going to go to the Food Services director and just be polite but firm: What is going to change? What can I watch for? Because, quite frankly, this shouldn't happen. Yes, the onus is on the allergy-bearer to be careful, but a wrap on a shelf labelled Chicken should not be full of shrimp!

Anyways, the Christmas Gala is tonight at work, so that is something to look forward to.

I'm out. Off to the clinic!

2007-11-22T07:45:00.001-08:00

morning

2007-11-22T07:42:00.000-08:00

My throat really hurts, a lot. More than it has ever hurt. I grimace every time I swallow. I have to try and convince the clinic doctor to talk to me about it today. You are only allowed to see one physician a day under BC Medicare, and I use that visit every day for my dressing change. Perhaps, the doctor will be able to cover off on two issues.

My wisdom teeth are coming out on Wednesday. My research paper and project are due on Tuesday. I start every day lined up outside the walk-in clinic 30 minutes before opening.

I want company.

And yes, I am feeling a little bit melodramatic lately.

happenings

2007-11-21T07:39:00.000-08:00

Things that have happened to me this year:

- Met Eric
- Got great new job
- Travelled to London and Berlin w/Eric
- Took a Web Design Course and did well
- Moved out of a house and in with Eric
- Went to Edmonton for Eric's birthday present, saw Eartha Kitt Live!
- Developed medical problems
- Medical problems turned into cancer scare (briefly)
- Cancer scare turned back into medical problems
- Waited 5 months for surgery
- Spent the equivalent of days at the doctor's office
- Bought new car
- Stretched my credit cards
- Joined the pension plan
- Moved out of Eric's place to my parents
- Moved into my own apartment
- Got into car accident
- Started payments on my student loan
- Travelled to Kelowna with Liz, toured wineries, and visited friends in Nelson and Vancouver
- Went back to school
- Taking a history course that I absolutely loathe.
- Got my surgery date
- Surgery failed, must go to clinic every day.
- Wisdom teeth acting up, must come out NOW.

I am not sure what kind of year this has been... and it isn't over yet!