rough waters
It is time of trial and tribulation that I reminded of just how ridiculous I can become.
I got into an argument at my parent's house on Saturday. Everyone was supposed to be having a nice lunch - it was me, Matthew, Mom and Dad. Mom had made a delicious meal, but things got off to a bad start.
Mom and Dad liked a playlist that I had built for a dinner the previous night. So I put it on again. It was a mix of Amici, G4, Il Divo, that kind of thing. Matthew made a couple of derisive comments about its musicality, and as I am learning to stand up for myself more, I finally just turned to him and said "If you don't like it, can you just say so instead of implying it and berating my music selections." He just shot me an evil look and told me to relax. However, he did stop.
But then he asked if he can drive me to my haircut. Matthew just got his license 5 weeks ago. Those of you who know him would understand why I am a bit trepidatious at the idea. He is so distractable, he has NO professional training... so I just said "No, actually. Until you've had a bit more experience I would rather not." I know it is an odd thing to say, but I feel perfectly within my rights saying it. And besides, when I had my license, I couldn't TOUCH the car until I was in Young Drivers'. Stupid double standard.
Anyways, Matthew flies off the handle about how I don't trust him, I've never trusted him, and that all he wanted to do was show me how good he was. Tensions mounted, and I repeated my concerns, and then my Mom weighed in ON MATTHEW'S SIDE! So I stood my ground. And then Dad pipes in that "We can't plan these meals anymore because you two only ever argue, you (pointing at me) are always after your brother, and you two fight about right and wrong."
So I stood up from my plate, went to the kitchen, and said "I'm going upstairs to pack." And then I left the house.
I am SO SICK and TIRED of that crap. Goddamit, I don't need to take it. There is no battle between right and wrong, and I am completely entitled to my opinion. Sorry Mom.
I called the house after an appropriate period of time, and apologized for leaving, but that it was clearly the only way to end the argument. I reiterated how I felt, and got told that "You are not external to this, you created this! All your brother wanted to do was show you how he is doing something right. And you blew it. He will NEVER care about your opinion anymore, or give a CRAP about your approval."
Let's pause for a second: When did Matthew EVER give a crap about ANYTHING or any advice that I have thrown his way? Did I miss something?
Anyways, now Mom and Dad have cancelled their trip to the mainland for my sister's birthday because she and I have 'an agenda.'
So clearly, I am a horrible human being.
3 comments:
Just so you know, I am so very proud of you. Learning to speak up isn't easy, especially if can lead to confrontations.
Don't forget, I have many years of experience with the R family drama. A friendly ear and shoulder are always available. :)
Why is younger brothers feel the need to discredit anything the older sibling likes or feels? It must come from an inferiority complex, but in my situation and in yours, the younger one in often better treated by the parents. My advice, stay away as much as possible. It sounds absolutely horrible, but it's necessary!
Hey there....you know I and my bro fought like wild cats....we got physical and bashed each other unless somebody intervened....sibling rivalry is normal, but my parents never really took sides of this versus that.
One of my cousins (a real wise guy) told me that parents often do their parentig experiments on the oldest and become comfortable with their style only when the younger dudes and dudesies come along...I was slapped the first time I went to a movie with friends (I lied, because I never would have got permission) when I was 17. My dear bro went to the movies with consent, with friends when he was 13!!!
I think the issue lies with the way communication and open expression of sentiments is perceived within the family...I am so sorry that you are experiencing so much mental, physical and emotional trauma from the incident, and I think it is blatantly incorrect for the parents to have openly taken M's side.
Hope some solid resolution happens...
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