end of the year musings

So here we stand on the cusp of a new year, and along with many, I am sure that I cannot put 2008 behind me fast enough. Not in a "throw it all away and forget it ever happened" way, but in a "I am done with that now" way. We can only grow from our experiences, and as the old cliche goes, whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I am excited for 2009, for fairly mundane reasons:

• I am reducing my course load and taking longer to finish. Not by much, just an extra semester, but I cannot maintain the stress levels that I had last semester, and in fact, all of last year.
• I am going to do fun things, but not things that cost me a lot of money, cause there won't be a lot of that. But there will be more Dave-time.
• I will resume the hunt for someone to spend time with - loneliness is even harder to deal with when you have had someone special and no longer do. That being said, not rushing into anything, just keeping my eyes open.
• I will endeavour to disconnect further from the machinations of my family. I love them all dearly, but I simply cannot emotionally invest myself in their lives any longer.
  
• I will read more extra-curricular books.
• I will sleep more.

This year saw a lot of bad, and unfortunately, I recall writing a similar post in 2007. 2007 was a scary year for health, and 2008 was a scary year for my sanity. But there was a lot of good in 2008 as well, which is a fact I must be cognizant of in the coming months.

So let's all raise a glass, to 2009, to a new beginning, to the shedding of the old, and to good times ahead!

And, for those of you who need a chuckle this new year's eve...

Meme again

Alright, Linds, you tagged me...

7 random facts about Dave?

Okay, here we go...

1. My hairline is rapidly receding, even more so over the last 4 months.

2. I have a single birthmark, 3 inches below my bellybutton. It is a perfect little circle, about the size of a pencil eraser. Very few get to see it...

3.I fight constantly with the 'fight or flight' instinct, and worry in stressful situations that the 'grass is always greener' leaps to mind too quickly.

4. I wish I had manlier arms with manly arm hair. Weird, I know.

5. My right foot is larger than my left one.

6. Like Linds, I too am an OCD Virgo. I know that if Lindsay was visiting me and looking for something, I could say "in that pile over there" while gesturing at multiple piles, and she would know which one. My desk at work, it MUST be tidy. Everything in its place. Home life... not so much.

7. I don't know what I will be doing in 14 months, and am choosing not to think about it!

I don't have any readers to tag...

Merry Christmas All!

I was worried that in all the hustle and bustle that I would forget to say this, so here you go:

To all, a very Merry Christmas. Have fun with family, friends and loved ones over this special time.

And all my best wishes for 2009 may it bring you happiness, love and laughter, good health and prosperity.

With everything that I have to offer!

I'm out.

christmas eve eve

I just wanted to post, cause I felt like I should.

I have been busy working, and am now in Victoria getting ready for Christmas. Looking forward to all the relaxing and Christmas times...

Happy Christmas Eve Eve!

luck

I am lucky, in all the best and most meaningful ways.

I just needed to say it, and to see it, in order to feel it.

I hope that all I touch feel the same way too.

paper

So, the horrible paper that I had to write, and had an impossible time writing, and I thought was a sack of garbage...

Well, I got it back today, and it was an A-.

I guess I can do better than I thought...

and I'm out.

meme

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the "next" button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

-IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Let's Go

-WHAT WOULD DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Symphony No.5 in D minor op.47 III. Largo
(this is a very dark piece of music)

-WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Don't Worry

-HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Cha Cha Cha D'Amour

-WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Strangers

-WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Amazing Life

-WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
O Come All Ye Faithful

-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
You Should Be Dancing

-WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Light Magic

-HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
Mission: Impossible (Remix)
(Ummm... dammit?)

-WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Virgo

-WHAT IS 2+2?
Footprints

-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Come from a Land Downunder

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Was Your Face a Head in the Pillow Case?

-WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Brooklyn Roads

-WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Birdsong

-WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Want a New Duck

-WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Cry

-WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Trepak

-WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Señorita

-WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra

-WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Lifes Full o'Consequence

-WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Suspended in Time

-WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

christmas music

I read an interesting article on the CBC's website about the worst Christmas singles of all time. I found it interesting, because in the comments there were a lot of people who were upset about the distinction between CAROLS and SONGS.

I have an appreciation for both. I enjoy the popular singles, most of which date from the 40s onward, to the traditional carols. I don't think that we need to have a clear separation - there aren't two camps to belong to. Pink Martini doing "Do You Hear What I Hear?" is just as good as "Once in Royal David's City" by the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields.

I just feel like at this time of year, people get caught up in the hype for sure, but that there is a hype to the hype. It is almost cool to hate Christmas. Me, I enjoy it. It's a nice break to life, and it means seeing people I want to see and miss dearly, good food, cozy rooms, fireplaces, baking, and watching the mailbox for Christmas cards (which reminds me... I should get on top of mine). Personally, I like looking at other people's trees as well - each ornament usually has a story or some significant meaning attached to it.

Everyone just relax and enjoy the season, regardless of the reason.

procrastimating

I got caught up this stupid survey stuff... why am I so gullible.

100. Do you want to be in a relationship? Longingly, but I recognize it needs to be with the right person, not just for its own sake.

99. Do you have a job? I have two jobs. I am a barista at Starbucks, and a Student Project Assistant in the Office of the President at Vancouver Island University.

98. Last 2 cars you were in/ with who? 1) Today, Honda Accord, with my brother in law. 2) the day before, in Andrew's Jeep TJ. Nicest guy ever... turns around and will drive me up the hill to school, even though he was going the opposite direction.

96. Lied in the last 24 hours? Yes. On an exam. Don't worry, I didn't plagiarize.

95. What is your current ring tone? Standard telephone noises.

94. What is the last movie you watched and with who? Running with Scissors, with a bottle of wine and popcorn.

93. Who makes you mad? A great number of people. I tend to repress it and dismiss it though.

92. What is your middle name? Michael James

91. Last text you sent/received? This afternoon.

89. What time did you wake up this morning? 7am

88. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yes.

87. What are you doing? Procrastinating, and studying. In that order.

86. When's your birthday? September 1st

85. Does it bug you when people delete questions from surveys? Never really noticed...

84. Are you afraid of growing old? It happens.

83. Are you happy right now? Life is what it is, and I can only change so much.

82. What is sitting to your right? My bed.

81. What is your favorite sport to watch? Olympic Hockey

80. Do you have any kids? No.

79. Do you have a favorite stuffed animal? Yes, but he's in a box at my parents.

78. Did you go trick-or-treating this year & with who? Nope.

77. Do you know who Mr. Mistoffelees is? I know who Mephistopheles from Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe is, although I doubt that is the answer sought...

76. What song are you listening to? Just Like Christmas - Low

75. Do you sing in the shower? Rarely.

74. Can you Crank Dat? Clearly.

73. Did you have a valentine this year? Kinda. Met my most recent ex-boyfriend on Valentines.

72. Last time you listened to country music? In a rental car.

71. What do you think of the song Boom, boom, boom by Vengaboys? Never loved it, but it can make cleaning tasks go pretty quickly.

70. Do you laugh at your own jokes? Most of the time.

69. Where do you want to live when you grow up? This question is far to existential for me at the moment.

68. How tall are you? 5'10"

67. How many drugs are in your system? Caffeine, and lots of it.

65. What are you wearing? Jeans, my "I'm a Mac" tshirt, black socks, slippers, and my H&M blck hoodie.

64. Last person to comment you? Debra.

63. Do you sing? Ever been in the car with me?

61. Rock or Rap? Neither.

60. Do you like cheese? Love it.

59. Who called you last? Vancouver 2010 Volunteer Information Centre.

58. Last item you purchased? Greyhound bus ticket.

57. What jewelry do you wear constantly? Nothing.

56. Are you a crazy person? Ask Lindsay.

55. Who was the last person you hugged ? Ummm... Ella.

54. What candidate do you support running for president? I pass on this, for obvious reasons.

53. Are you a fast typer? Average, high end of average. Being a Data Clerk helped.

52. What time is it? 8:37pm

51. What do you smell? Chocolate. From the brownie I just ate.

50. Is anything bothering you right now? The list is too long.

48. What are you doing today/tomorrow? Exam in the morning, work in the afternoon, studying in the evening.

47. What's your favorite subject in school? Media Studies.

46. What's your worst grade that you currently have & what subject is it in? C+ in Victorian Literature.

45. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? Any reason to celebrate.

44. If you died right now, is there something you'd want to say to someone? Of course.

43. How many friends do you have on myspace? PFT! Who uses myspace? I have 223 on Facebook.

42. Who's one person you cannot stand? Katie.

41. What's your opinion on same sex marriage? Do you really need to ask ME this question?

40. Do you miss anyone right now? Yes.

39. What foreign language do/did you study? German.

38 . Does it take a lot to earn someone's trust? I think it is an organic process that happens differently for all.

36. Describe your life in two words? Stress, alternate-thought.

34. What shampoo do you use? Tresemme, Tresemme, oo-la-la!

33. What do you want right now? Time off, free of thought and commitment.

32. Jeans or sweatpants? Jeans

31. What should you be doing? Certainly not this survey.

29. Do you have socks on? Yes I do. I hate cold feet...

28. Do you own sunglasses? Nope. I don't like them, but I should get a pair out of necessity.

27. Have you ever cried so hard, you made yourself sick? Just to the edge of getting sick.

26. Do you like techno? It depends...

25. Do you get nervous in front of large groups of people? Nope!

24. What was your kindergarten teacher's name? Dr. Whitely

23. Plans for Saturday? Some latte slingin' at S'Bux.

19. Favorite TV shows: Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, The Simpsons, Family Guy

18. Do you like '80s movies? Sometimes, but sometimes they are so fucking pretentious in their 80s-ness.

17. Do you like "The Goonies"? Yes, but not obsessively.

16. What's your favorite food? Chicken strips on rice with ranch dip.

14. Last thing you ate? A brownie.

13. Current problem? Too many to list here. Getting through the next 4 days?

12. Been to London? Technically, twice.

11. Can you lick your toe? No, and I don't want to.

10. Who's the most photogenic person you ever seen ? Joanna Daley.

9. Been to college? University. Still there.

8. Ever been given a breathalyser test? No. I don't drink and drive.

7. Favorite time of day? Clear dawns.

6. Ever licked someone's cheek? Embarassingly, yes.

5. What are you looking forward to? Sunday - Liz is coming for the holidays.

4. Have you ever ran from the police? No.

3. Ever gotten lost in the dark? Yes. It is a discomfiting sensation.

2. What do you think of the last person who posted this? Fun and quirky, and far away.

1. Are you wanting something you can't have? Don't we all? But I know my limits...

song?

This was on the other day, and I have decided that it is the soundtrack of the circus of my life over the past 6 months...

We all gotta laugh.

friday night

I handed in my shorter paper, and wrote the final exam for my literary theory course.

The worst of it is behind me.

Tonight, I am watching a movie and enjoying a bottle of wine. Tomorrow, I have to work all day... then another short paper. And then... four back to back exams. Then it is over.

But the end is in sight.

Also, after much handholding and doing-their-work-for-them, StudentAid BC has decided that I do qualify for funding for the current semester... they didn't realize that before being in school, I was making student loan payments. Oh, and they claimed they didn't know that I had cashed out my pension, despite the two letters that specifically mention it.

SIGH.

But, I have some money coming.

Slowly, surely, and steadfastly, things are happening.

curve ball

I'm not atheletic. Everyone knows it. Throw me your car keys? I'll drop them on the floor... If you are lucky, in my dramatic flail to catch them, I will knock something over or break a precious item.

But I am getting better.

The universe threw me another curve ball today. I kicked, I yelled (more like roared) and then I broke down and I cried. A lot.

StudentAid BC denied my application for funding for the current semester. I have funding for next semester, but I have decimated myself financially to make it through this semester. The reason for denying me funding? I earned too much prior to studying. But wait, look at the numbers.

$10,000 reported net income, and they want me to save $7762 of that. How, I ask you?

So I appealed the decision. I have already been through one special appeal to get the value of my car waived - they viewed it as an asset, even though it is a liability, and due to the way it was financed, I am contractually forbidden to sell it until I have paid for it. Anyways, they waived the car, great. They refuse to adjust my expected contribution. Why?

THEY THINK I AM GOING TO USE IT TO RUN MY VEHICLE.

The vehicle that is parked, uninsured in Victoria. A fact that they are aware of.

Sorry StudentAid, but here is a list of things that have to be taken care of before I even dream of operating my car again.

1. Monthly Car Payment
2. Rent
3. Food
4. The $600 for books and school supplies I owe my family.
5. The $300 I owe my brother-in-law, who has been buying my groceries.
6. The $402 I owe Bell for my cell phone bill, due by December 25 (Merry Christmas)
7. The $450 I owe Desjardin credit for my suspended VISA card.

I have destroyed myself financially, liquidating my pension and mutual funds to get as far as I have in this semester. I am working two part-time jobs, equalling about 25-30 hours/week in addition to my course load.

I think that I have juggled bills, and have real demonstrated need. But alas, due to the arbitrary decision on the part of StudentAid BC (the all-caps phrase above is a direct quote from the email that notified me), I am fucked.

So next semester, I will take the $2600 they have offered, pay my tuition, and use the balance to try and repair the damage from this term. I will take only three courses, and work as much as I can in order to get back on the horse, and try and finish part-time.

Long term goal? Right now, it feels like I need to get out of BC. We'll see.

Things I have lost today: I won't be able to volunteer at the Olympics, my financial security, and a few tears.

Things I have gained today: The life lesson that sometimes, it feels like you shouldn't even try. But when that happens, fight back or fight different.

Thank goodness I only have $13 to my name, or I might be tempted to drink... actually, I'm tempted, but, you know. Rice and beans first!

So there you go... how to juggle a curve ball.

I'm out.

'tis the end

It's the end of classes, or rather it was yesterday.

I have most of today to work on that paper (and have to finish it actually), and then tomorrow I have another shorter paper...

So here goes!

Pinch and punch

A pinch and punch for the first of the month.

After my miserable failure last night, I went to bed and set my alarm (3 of them actually) for a 6am start to my day. All three alarms were not accessible from bed... I had to get out of bed to deal with them.

Come 8am, I woke up. All three alarms were off.

WTF is wrong with me? How the hell did I manage to turn off 3 separate alarms?

Now, I am extra fucked with a side of OMFG.